بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 truth be told, the road is pretty freaking long. maybe the one I'd walk, the longest of them all, for it has the most waiting and grand plans at its end. few things from this life remain as they were, and while I know this is a just a property of dunya, it doesn't always make the pill easier to swallow. from myself is the easy part. I can often try to do better for others, especially the ones I love. if that part won't jive, then at least I can try to ensure my evil is prevented from everyone else. but what about things from others? that is where the change always hits unpredictably. I can never ask even my beloved or family to see things the way I do, to respond how I might choose. regardless of what I find from anyone else, my reply or reaction has to find decency. if this seems like a one-way prism, it very much can be. light like the kind that fuels me is so preciously rare in life, and the more one comes to know and of people, the more scarce it seems to get. I want often to be closer to my beloved, but distance and circumstance just keep working their way in. the ones whom I would absolutely love to see smiles and laughter from, they are the busiest or farthest from me. if this sounds sappy..that's because it is. alas, for one such as me to find resonance in a "cheesy" Bollywood song. but real is real. if another could feel what I felt, then from it all that matters is knowing a pair of souls that found comfort in each other and wanted not to part. I couldn't imagine a notion more human than that. and truly, I find myself ever more human the older I get. 

in regards to expansions and contractions of the beating organ, there is only one option for me: to let it keep growing for the rest of my existence, no matter what. may my Rabb adorn every step of my road with ease, ameen.