Uncontained

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

alhamdulillah, even as some days are longer than others, even as some moments wish i was more emotionless rather than overflowing the surface, my closest beacon, the Gift, speaks to me in ways familiar and resonant, and it's like, despite our natures being the starkest of different, peace is still as easy to find as resting my head on her bosom. alhamdulillah ya Rabb, these small tender moments, they're all i want from this life even though You make live from them still onward. ironic how my strongest enemy seems still to be my self, with no demons knocking down my doors, no creditors or actors of malice pursuing me down darkened corridors, no cliffs beckoning me off their ends, no boogeymen underneath the bed or skeletons waiting to ambush while buried underneath the past i've known -- none of these are my challenge, but just overcoming me, finding temperance and discipline for the heart when it wants to fly outside my ribcage, resonance it chases, but in truth my sagest state would be patience, for whenever it can be managed, sometimes as simple as not pouring out the insides that have their own shades of agonies that absence evokes into something pervasive. 

 

some of my posts, like some of my thoughts, run on currents way too deep, flooding or flooded, and in them, i wonder, can traces of me be found by those who are for now visitor? maybe, i hope so. i expect soon iA this momentary incapacity of the self to contain its feeling will pass. probably revisit me later, but then that is the cyclicality of life, one to the next and back around again.

 

iA khair for my beloved, always and ever