moment

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

been a bit sick lately, for the first time in a long while. getting better tho alhamdulillah, just another bump in this exceedingly long road of life. last class is finito, degree is finito (alh!), and started some prep for a+ certification, eventually going for network/security+ certs too.

...

some days are more drained than others, smiles sticking to the surface and shallowness under the covers, no sadnesses or pain, simply absences persisting like daylight piercing through rain. often enough i lose energy to write, coming to this space, trying to recollect myself, when over the years it's seemed like i'm fading. think that i am, think that i have long been, evaporating, like a puddle that never quite found its ocean, so i stare up at the Sky, the only place of unity i can fathom, the only place freedom i can imagine, longing to be there, but grounded is the state i'm found in. i still need to write that Ode, the one for the brokenhearts, easy as pie to paint that picture, tell my beloved why: i think...Paradise is meant only for the ones who are broken, the ones who never took this life for themselves to be whole in, only for the ones constantly seeking, a recompense equivalent to the level of their feeling, and more. it's gonna sound like a tragedy, especially for the romantic, but i don't think it's truly tragic, simply one stage of this journey, most easily seen with various layers of difficulty, but ease is the sought-after ending, encompassed by my beloved, that's all that matters once we're done writing and living, iA