resonant-K

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

I get ya. 

 

Though I never, ever expected or imagined or could have approached even the remotest conception of how your childhood had truly been, for some reason, somehow...even now that I know, it changes nothing to me. You were never messed up, nor are you now. 

If we were consumed by the darkness or pain, then we'd have lost. But alhamdulillah, we were not! This is crucial to realize. That we have the appreciation and desire for what is khair and beautiful, that we can give and receive the most humanly-flawless acceptance - all of this, it means that our Rabb preserved us, kept us intact when I am positive there were times the only inclination you and I internally felt was to simply fade away.

"some things are not meant to be transmitted, aqueously or dreams or reality" - Hah, not true. It's been transmitted on all of those spectrums, because you should notice how Allah affected our trajectories with each other. I know what you mean though, of fruition, of physically reaching the potential and manifesting what we've felt. 

 

If I thought my best days were behind me, I should not bother with going forward. But I am acutely aware that one day, my Rabb will judge me, and that my pursuit is still ahead of me. You can't be eclipsed because you run in my blood, and if I was blessed to be able to pass along the brightness I found in having our lives weave together (do you have any idea how many pages and stories I read in life, simply because you mentioned them to me first? how deep the evolution of my nature drank from your beauty?)..then I would consider myself without any regrets at the end, no matter which path my progeny might choose.

 

I woke up this morning, alh fajr on a regular track these days, but I didn't know what I'd find. What I read, it altered nothing of how I see the past or future. Your upbringing or environment DID NOT determine who you are for you - the choices you made to be a beautiful and decent human being, THAT is what I have always loved and admired most, after of course the incredible acceptance you showed me too. It's these qualities and perspectives I internalize the deepest and carry forward because that's how I want to be, that's how I'd choose to meet my Rabb, being that kind of person.

You may not know this, but what my goal in Firdaus is, how it began and grew, you are yet still my happy ending. An ending hasn't happened until we're done here :p 

InshaAllah I get to keep reading updates on how your life goes, even if I don't get mentioned in it again. I don't mind that at all. Just knowing how you fare is consolation enough and helps frame my duas for you. 

I really hope it's a she iA, got her middle name already figured out 😊

masalaama,

thy advocate