- in the name of Allah -
We don't always need an external stimulus to come to places like these and give ink to our thoughts, sometimes an internal probe is all that's necessary to dig underneath the surface and find the real reason behind a certain train of events.
Do we realize the struggle of parentage in caring and providing for their offspring? Can we really fathom how difficult their struggles are compared to our own? They have a myriad of concerns that we can only imagine, but the reality of is truly so much more. Financially, emotionally, psychologically, familially, mentally, sociologically, and the list goes on in the kinds of ways that our interaction with our parents influences our daily lives, certainly how often we see them contributes to this. But what is the end result of all this preponderance? What is the conclusion I am trying to or have inevitably reached?
It is that among the greatest blessings and good fortune that can possibly be bestowed upon a human being is that of having truly, 'good' parents. They care, they attempt to teach and pass on the lessons they have learned to their children, they provide for them a means unto adulthood and self-sufficiency, in ways so much more profound than mere finance. If one did not have good parentage, then how easy can it be for him or her to find the straight path, to be able to see a ray of light while bathed in darkness? It is very hard, to say the least. It becomes a matter up to the integrity and nature of the soul that would resist such forces, and strive to rise no matter the lineage.
Still, we have to be grateful to our Creator, who made us and blessed us in ways that we see and in ways we couldn't dream of. Cognizance of these reminders, internalization of their meaning, is perhaps one of the doorways to heaven, a heaven everyone's seeking but so few find.
8.01.2008
7.30.2008
- in the name of Allah -
Due to popular demand, I have decided to give in to my adoring fans and furnish their otherwise rudimentary lives with a spectacular post from none other than..myself. I hope this will satisfy them, at least until I post again. :-d
Ah, such superb self-inflation of one's ego, done nigh effortlessly with a touch of sarcastic irony to brighten what ordinarily might have been ordinary..
Anyways, on to more serious things. Yesterday I had what was arguably the worst migraine ever. With pounding ferocity it clouded the mind and pushed out any and every other thought I tried to formulate. Naturally, I began internally debating the merits of life and death and how sleep was the tantalizing alternative of in-between that any insane insomniac would kill for. It was ironic then, after knowing a certain friend who exclaimed on their blog to possess an "affinity for Tylenol PM", I would decide to try a few for myself.
Alh, I managed to find some restful sleep and temperance for the incessant throb in the back of my head. Of course, none of this could possibly have happened without me trying to analyze for what fateful purpose I was to be graced with an exacerbating migraine.
Why is it usually that we are tried as human beings, as Muslims? Is it because of something we have or haven't done, or is it a random occurrence that cannot be explained but only endured? I venture to guess it is a mix of the two, mainly because as human beings our knowledge of what happens is so limited by our physical senses, and that it may well be simply a test to gauge our patience. Whatever the reality of it might be, I know that therein was a certain lesson, a certain flavor to be derived, that when mixed in the right doses with life, can prove an antidote for those most inescapable moments where, in an infitesimal minute, life tangoes with death and the value of one versus the other is determined.
Due to popular demand, I have decided to give in to my adoring fans and furnish their otherwise rudimentary lives with a spectacular post from none other than..myself. I hope this will satisfy them, at least until I post again. :-d
Ah, such superb self-inflation of one's ego, done nigh effortlessly with a touch of sarcastic irony to brighten what ordinarily might have been ordinary..
Anyways, on to more serious things. Yesterday I had what was arguably the worst migraine ever. With pounding ferocity it clouded the mind and pushed out any and every other thought I tried to formulate. Naturally, I began internally debating the merits of life and death and how sleep was the tantalizing alternative of in-between that any insane insomniac would kill for. It was ironic then, after knowing a certain friend who exclaimed on their blog to possess an "affinity for Tylenol PM", I would decide to try a few for myself.
Alh, I managed to find some restful sleep and temperance for the incessant throb in the back of my head. Of course, none of this could possibly have happened without me trying to analyze for what fateful purpose I was to be graced with an exacerbating migraine.
Why is it usually that we are tried as human beings, as Muslims? Is it because of something we have or haven't done, or is it a random occurrence that cannot be explained but only endured? I venture to guess it is a mix of the two, mainly because as human beings our knowledge of what happens is so limited by our physical senses, and that it may well be simply a test to gauge our patience. Whatever the reality of it might be, I know that therein was a certain lesson, a certain flavor to be derived, that when mixed in the right doses with life, can prove an antidote for those most inescapable moments where, in an infitesimal minute, life tangoes with death and the value of one versus the other is determined.
7.22.2008
- in the name of Allah -
Here I am, back again, to continue the semi-chronicle of something I can only describe as fated and inevitable. At times, we can see the blessings rain down on us from the sky, and the obvious moment for us to express our gratefulness to our Sustainer dawns on us. What about the times when such blessings are not so apparent? Would we resolve ourselves to a pit of self-created exile from the very force which we, cognizantly or not, need most?
I've always, throughout most of my adult life, held firmly to the notion that I am blessed, blessed in knowing so many likable people, so many personable people, blessed in knowing that every day I have ever lived has served a particular purpose, whether it was evident in its moment or posthumously, it was there to be a reminder, to bring me on course in a journey that dawns on me as clearly now as a morning sunrise. My end, my real goal, my real desire, is something of an egg, an egg that grew with the care of adolescent idealism, an egg that hatched from the realization of purpose that is timeless. This egg, if it is to bloom, would show me nothing but my window to paradise, the only real window I've ever wanted. In it, is a place that finally matches the freedom-seeking nature of my soul with the capability and actuality of attaining that freedom. I can be free there, find my better half well acquainted, and come to know what I knew all along, alh.
I don't need to necessarily forgo the pleasures of this life, but I will, for all but the most basic I need for survival. There are greater things, greater objectives to be held up by the glorious light emanating from my Lord, than mediocre desires rooted in a world of temporal limitation. ....yeah, I know, keep it simple, but let's not forget I'm not yet married...lol ^_*
Here I am, back again, to continue the semi-chronicle of something I can only describe as fated and inevitable. At times, we can see the blessings rain down on us from the sky, and the obvious moment for us to express our gratefulness to our Sustainer dawns on us. What about the times when such blessings are not so apparent? Would we resolve ourselves to a pit of self-created exile from the very force which we, cognizantly or not, need most?
I've always, throughout most of my adult life, held firmly to the notion that I am blessed, blessed in knowing so many likable people, so many personable people, blessed in knowing that every day I have ever lived has served a particular purpose, whether it was evident in its moment or posthumously, it was there to be a reminder, to bring me on course in a journey that dawns on me as clearly now as a morning sunrise. My end, my real goal, my real desire, is something of an egg, an egg that grew with the care of adolescent idealism, an egg that hatched from the realization of purpose that is timeless. This egg, if it is to bloom, would show me nothing but my window to paradise, the only real window I've ever wanted. In it, is a place that finally matches the freedom-seeking nature of my soul with the capability and actuality of attaining that freedom. I can be free there, find my better half well acquainted, and come to know what I knew all along, alh.
I don't need to necessarily forgo the pleasures of this life, but I will, for all but the most basic I need for survival. There are greater things, greater objectives to be held up by the glorious light emanating from my Lord, than mediocre desires rooted in a world of temporal limitation. ....yeah, I know, keep it simple, but let's not forget I'm not yet married...lol ^_*
7.16.2008
- in the name of Allah -
Without a doubt these are strange times. Then again, there isn't a moment in my life that I can recall as being completely normal. Who cares, normal is for the ordinary, and that, whether for better or worse, is something I have never considered myself as.
I don't think I've ever known a clarity so clear as this. What exactly do I see, when my mind is not hindered by cloudy visions? My purpose forms to me, slowly, with little shape at first, but then I know what it is exactly that I must become. What is this epiphany, this realization of the end of one's existential crisis? It is that, no matter what may happen, no matter the love I may lose or the pleasure I may gain, I will always end up back to knowing my Creator. What brings me to Him? What is this propellant force that guides me along my sine-wave of a life? I am not entirely sure, but it is belief. Some how, some way, my belief has carried me throughout my life, and at no time has this been clearer than now. The root causes of ungratefulness, of disbelief, of hypocrisy, of malice, all seem so clear to me, and thankfully, so minute. It's as if for the first time in a long time, I can recall having conquered a demon in my soul that leapt at every chance it could get. There's a certain peace in giving up something of one's wants. I would say "giving up one's wants", but I do not deny that I am created human, and that I will desire regardless of whether or not I wish to control it. What I do with it, however, is something I have some measure of say-so in.
Particularly, it is giving up of people, specifically some women, that I have come to know over the passage of time. Some have been married, some have moved away, others pursue their dreams of making a better life for themselves and their families. I find that often my dreams of knowing them and being with them end up conflicting with their own. How so? It is because through knowing me, through truly understanding who I am, one cannot but be changed through it, and affect change in myself, howsoever slight it may be for them or I. Were they to fit into my plans, their own would change, and what they had held dear, would no longer be of use to them. Am I saying that I require deep sacrifice from the one I would marry? Of course not. I just carry the burden of truth, of knowing what my Rabb demands of me, and I do not attempt to make excuses why I do not or cannot follow His commands. I try; if I fail, then I simply repent and continue forward. There is no other path for me to take. Long ago I decided that a life of eternity and everlasting awesomeness was preferable to a short gain or short pleasure; why love for a few years, when you can love forever?
Such simple words, such dramatic meaning..
Without a doubt these are strange times. Then again, there isn't a moment in my life that I can recall as being completely normal. Who cares, normal is for the ordinary, and that, whether for better or worse, is something I have never considered myself as.
I don't think I've ever known a clarity so clear as this. What exactly do I see, when my mind is not hindered by cloudy visions? My purpose forms to me, slowly, with little shape at first, but then I know what it is exactly that I must become. What is this epiphany, this realization of the end of one's existential crisis? It is that, no matter what may happen, no matter the love I may lose or the pleasure I may gain, I will always end up back to knowing my Creator. What brings me to Him? What is this propellant force that guides me along my sine-wave of a life? I am not entirely sure, but it is belief. Some how, some way, my belief has carried me throughout my life, and at no time has this been clearer than now. The root causes of ungratefulness, of disbelief, of hypocrisy, of malice, all seem so clear to me, and thankfully, so minute. It's as if for the first time in a long time, I can recall having conquered a demon in my soul that leapt at every chance it could get. There's a certain peace in giving up something of one's wants. I would say "giving up one's wants", but I do not deny that I am created human, and that I will desire regardless of whether or not I wish to control it. What I do with it, however, is something I have some measure of say-so in.
Particularly, it is giving up of people, specifically some women, that I have come to know over the passage of time. Some have been married, some have moved away, others pursue their dreams of making a better life for themselves and their families. I find that often my dreams of knowing them and being with them end up conflicting with their own. How so? It is because through knowing me, through truly understanding who I am, one cannot but be changed through it, and affect change in myself, howsoever slight it may be for them or I. Were they to fit into my plans, their own would change, and what they had held dear, would no longer be of use to them. Am I saying that I require deep sacrifice from the one I would marry? Of course not. I just carry the burden of truth, of knowing what my Rabb demands of me, and I do not attempt to make excuses why I do not or cannot follow His commands. I try; if I fail, then I simply repent and continue forward. There is no other path for me to take. Long ago I decided that a life of eternity and everlasting awesomeness was preferable to a short gain or short pleasure; why love for a few years, when you can love forever?
Such simple words, such dramatic meaning..
7.06.2008
- in the name of Allah -
This time, among others I have known, is like a window to my inside. Who will I become in the day ahead? Will I keep of me everything that already has been, or will I say "f___ it" and take a path never pondered, a path only mired in dread? In my vacation from my self, I've learned that we need to be who we are, but sometimes, an escape is necessary. Just be no one, someone else, something else, somewhere else, sometime gone or sometime not yet here. Everything but who we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be it.
Back on topic, I guess I'll get back on the road that I was on not 24 hours earlier.[interjection>>>] My God, how pervasive the human need for a companion is. It is just so...everywhere, all the time. It takes no break, even in silent peace, it's an undercurrent whose constant threat of drowning lurks just around the corner.
Pretty common themes throughout this blog, don't you think? O_O
This time, among others I have known, is like a window to my inside. Who will I become in the day ahead? Will I keep of me everything that already has been, or will I say "f___ it" and take a path never pondered, a path only mired in dread? In my vacation from my self, I've learned that we need to be who we are, but sometimes, an escape is necessary. Just be no one, someone else, something else, somewhere else, sometime gone or sometime not yet here. Everything but who we are supposed to be when we are supposed to be it.
Back on topic, I guess I'll get back on the road that I was on not 24 hours earlier.[interjection>>>] My God, how pervasive the human need for a companion is. It is just so...everywhere, all the time. It takes no break, even in silent peace, it's an undercurrent whose constant threat of drowning lurks just around the corner.
Pretty common themes throughout this blog, don't you think? O_O
7.01.2008
- in the name of Allah -
Often times it is that the things we want most are the very things we may never have. These things become for us the very trials that test us, that decide our mettle, that peruse our souls and see if indeed there is anything worthwhile inside.
I have a fallibility, among many others. I possess a heart which seeks attachment in ways so subtle, so intrinsic, that it gravitates towards certain places and certain people...without the benefit of cognizance. Leading my self astray...unknowingly. That is probably the scariest notion I've ever encountered. Yet, now that I am aware, the constant struggle of choices, of refrains, of proposes, does not do much to help the situation. I have to retain my self, my imaan, the core of my being that is presently being battered on a relatively daily basis. I quite easily realize why they say one should be married early. Granted, I'm still in my early 20's, but it would be better were it sooner than later. Moreso for my own nafs' and deen's sake than anything else. The issue isn't as simple or cut-and-dry as avoiding temptations. It isn't that. The problem is that there is a function of my soul, of my heart (and mind, to a lesser extent), that seeks out connections with people, typically female as they are easier to befriend (depending on circumstances). Not only does it seek this subconsciously, but it develops a bond with and supports this bond with rationalizations that stretch so far internally and externally, you would think I almost have a good reason for going down the wrong path. Shaitan loves to make the right path appear difficult, and the wrong path appear glittered in goodness and desirability. The problem that compounds this is that my soul does this unwittingly, without requiring a nudge, through only the simple fact that I need to be with someone I care about. Whether it just be with my crew, hanging out, or having a one-on-one with some woman I've come to know through necessary means (school), it is truly a compromising situation. Some of the things I've faced, I couldn't have imagined until they happened, and then I wonder to myself just how great a fitnah can truly be. I just ask Allah to guide me through it, to keep my heart intact for the one I marry, and to grant me the best of imaan on my deathbed; ameen ya Rabbal-'aalamin.
Often times it is that the things we want most are the very things we may never have. These things become for us the very trials that test us, that decide our mettle, that peruse our souls and see if indeed there is anything worthwhile inside.
I have a fallibility, among many others. I possess a heart which seeks attachment in ways so subtle, so intrinsic, that it gravitates towards certain places and certain people...without the benefit of cognizance. Leading my self astray...unknowingly. That is probably the scariest notion I've ever encountered. Yet, now that I am aware, the constant struggle of choices, of refrains, of proposes, does not do much to help the situation. I have to retain my self, my imaan, the core of my being that is presently being battered on a relatively daily basis. I quite easily realize why they say one should be married early. Granted, I'm still in my early 20's, but it would be better were it sooner than later. Moreso for my own nafs' and deen's sake than anything else. The issue isn't as simple or cut-and-dry as avoiding temptations. It isn't that. The problem is that there is a function of my soul, of my heart (and mind, to a lesser extent), that seeks out connections with people, typically female as they are easier to befriend (depending on circumstances). Not only does it seek this subconsciously, but it develops a bond with and supports this bond with rationalizations that stretch so far internally and externally, you would think I almost have a good reason for going down the wrong path. Shaitan loves to make the right path appear difficult, and the wrong path appear glittered in goodness and desirability. The problem that compounds this is that my soul does this unwittingly, without requiring a nudge, through only the simple fact that I need to be with someone I care about. Whether it just be with my crew, hanging out, or having a one-on-one with some woman I've come to know through necessary means (school), it is truly a compromising situation. Some of the things I've faced, I couldn't have imagined until they happened, and then I wonder to myself just how great a fitnah can truly be. I just ask Allah to guide me through it, to keep my heart intact for the one I marry, and to grant me the best of imaan on my deathbed; ameen ya Rabbal-'aalamin.
6.12.2008
- in the name of Allah -
It seems like I am fated to never get close to some people. Sure, the reasons for mismatch are there, different planets, different species, different dimensions, the list goes on. It doesn't stop the searching however, that goes on endlessly, subconsciously, without effort yet with the whole of one's soul behind it. I continue my search, without much effort, and no real idea of where exactly to look. There may be answers right under my nose, but I'm too smell-deaf to hear them.
Just what does it mean that another person is made for one's self? Where does that compatibility erupt from? Why do such notions continuously bubble forth from the essence of the soul, in ways I can't comprehend, but can only assert that it is true, and that it must exist. Love may be one of the most damned emotions ever given to mankind. I can't find it, only feel its need like a snake sneaking underneath my being. It's like needing clothes in a hurricane but only armed with an umbrella. Or maybe having a boxed car frame without an engine. Or maybe a plane flying in circles with only one wing.
Where art thou, oh separate wing of mine?
It seems like I am fated to never get close to some people. Sure, the reasons for mismatch are there, different planets, different species, different dimensions, the list goes on. It doesn't stop the searching however, that goes on endlessly, subconsciously, without effort yet with the whole of one's soul behind it. I continue my search, without much effort, and no real idea of where exactly to look. There may be answers right under my nose, but I'm too smell-deaf to hear them.
Just what does it mean that another person is made for one's self? Where does that compatibility erupt from? Why do such notions continuously bubble forth from the essence of the soul, in ways I can't comprehend, but can only assert that it is true, and that it must exist. Love may be one of the most damned emotions ever given to mankind. I can't find it, only feel its need like a snake sneaking underneath my being. It's like needing clothes in a hurricane but only armed with an umbrella. Or maybe having a boxed car frame without an engine. Or maybe a plane flying in circles with only one wing.
Where art thou, oh separate wing of mine?
5.28.2008
- in the name of Allah -
I saw this browsing through BBC, and I just couldn't pass it up..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7422900.stm
"...Reports said King Gyanendra and Queen Komal were seen driving out of the royal palace on Tuesday afternoon, but it was not clear where they were going or for how long they would be gone."
LOL, with a hindu, reincarnated Vishnu, no less!
I saw this browsing through BBC, and I just couldn't pass it up..
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7422900.stm
"...Reports said King Gyanendra and Queen Komal were seen driving out of the royal palace on Tuesday afternoon, but it was not clear where they were going or for how long they would be gone."
LOL, with a hindu, reincarnated Vishnu, no less!
5.21.2008
- in the name of Allah -
sometimes the role we take is more important than the role we desired to play. it may not be that our own interests are served because of it, but surely, we gain more from it and feel better about it once something else is given preference to our own nafs. it's weird, that in a heart never preferential to malice or envy, it feels even less of these emotions than possible.
I can really only be there, as a "beloved spiritual nudger", "rock", "holyman", or whatever else is needed from me at the time. how utterly strange this part of my character is to me. a friend once described me as being the type of person that could be anything that another might need from me, whether it be space, an ear, a wall, an outlet, etc.
perhaps my role in this world isn't one who will find his 'one', but help many others find their way. could that be balanced, fair? in my opinion, perfectly so.
sometimes the role we take is more important than the role we desired to play. it may not be that our own interests are served because of it, but surely, we gain more from it and feel better about it once something else is given preference to our own nafs. it's weird, that in a heart never preferential to malice or envy, it feels even less of these emotions than possible.
I can really only be there, as a "beloved spiritual nudger", "rock", "holyman", or whatever else is needed from me at the time. how utterly strange this part of my character is to me. a friend once described me as being the type of person that could be anything that another might need from me, whether it be space, an ear, a wall, an outlet, etc.
perhaps my role in this world isn't one who will find his 'one', but help many others find their way. could that be balanced, fair? in my opinion, perfectly so.
5.16.2008
- in the name of Allah -
It's official: I have lost the power cord to this laptop. I am now writing and browsing on borrowed time. The battery icon tells me I have a few hours left, but not only is that not enough to last me, it probably isn't true either. My trillian is acting up and refusing to connect half the time, limiting my access to MSN, AIM, and other services which connect me to the outside world. Granted, I can open my front door and walk outside and I'd not have to worry about the outside world being too far. That would be dandy, if it wasn't for the fact that the outside world I'm looking for happens to be thousands of miles away; it might take a few years' walking/swimming distance. The last few posts I've made, don't seem to be so relevant presently. The stimulus for those outbursts of thought, seems now trapped in a different dimension, a different time. Imagine, a lifetime lived in two days' span. Possible? I might say so, if I can correctly interpret myself in these past few days. It wasn't that the light rain that fell wasn't enough to wash away the dust and debris, but the ground was so thirsty, it soaked it all up as soon as it fell. Who'da thunk it?
What's somewhat ironic is that as I read these lines I'm writing I notice an influence and essence that isn't my own, a style that I don't usually use. A kind of story-like narrative, sporadically sarcastic, noted for undertone and metaphor. My writing, my own personal writing, is direct and self-explanatory; to understand this, one would need a background manual. The notion is insidious, but just so subtly dramatic. Whatever. I have composed a few lines for the 27th, but I think I will have more, much more written by then. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able write a masterpiece that I haven't felt the need to do for quite some time.
I think I'll go look for that power cord again.
It's official: I have lost the power cord to this laptop. I am now writing and browsing on borrowed time. The battery icon tells me I have a few hours left, but not only is that not enough to last me, it probably isn't true either. My trillian is acting up and refusing to connect half the time, limiting my access to MSN, AIM, and other services which connect me to the outside world. Granted, I can open my front door and walk outside and I'd not have to worry about the outside world being too far. That would be dandy, if it wasn't for the fact that the outside world I'm looking for happens to be thousands of miles away; it might take a few years' walking/swimming distance. The last few posts I've made, don't seem to be so relevant presently. The stimulus for those outbursts of thought, seems now trapped in a different dimension, a different time. Imagine, a lifetime lived in two days' span. Possible? I might say so, if I can correctly interpret myself in these past few days. It wasn't that the light rain that fell wasn't enough to wash away the dust and debris, but the ground was so thirsty, it soaked it all up as soon as it fell. Who'da thunk it?
What's somewhat ironic is that as I read these lines I'm writing I notice an influence and essence that isn't my own, a style that I don't usually use. A kind of story-like narrative, sporadically sarcastic, noted for undertone and metaphor. My writing, my own personal writing, is direct and self-explanatory; to understand this, one would need a background manual. The notion is insidious, but just so subtly dramatic. Whatever. I have composed a few lines for the 27th, but I think I will have more, much more written by then. Who knows, maybe I'll finally be able write a masterpiece that I haven't felt the need to do for quite some time.
I think I'll go look for that power cord again.
5.14.2008
- in the name of Allah -
for the first time in a long time, I am posting on consecutive days. interesting, the forces that compel me here, but relatively unremarkable in the grand scheme of things. I'm still fully digesting the events of yesterday, just what it means, just how I relate, just how far to invite a (former?) stranger inside a place where I allow few to go. the first step is already in motion. a blog that I've kept since one my more fateful years that has only a handful of posts but no viewers besides myself is now potentially open. why? I imagine it is for the purposes of understanding, and the completion thereof. suffice it to say, barring any unforeseen dramatic exits, this singularity will know much of me almost willingly or otherwise. lol
no, this is not a mirage of love, or some vain concoction like it. if I could try explaining this phenomenon, it would have to be an amalgamation of minds - the first time I can ever say it has happened with someone else. I need not say that I have been searching for some intellectual equal, male or female, from amongst mankind as long as I can remember. one who can write and understand, along somewhat parallel wavelengths, where I seek growth and how life has progressed to the present moment. empathy among people with a real ability to think and decide, is truly rare. one of the only few questions I am left with, is how long would Allah choose to have me taste this sweetness before either it becomes as one with me, or disappears like the mirage of night it first appeared to be. no, it isn't that I question Allah. I've come too far, understood too much, to allow such foolishness fit for lesser minds to hamper my self actualization. some things in life are decreed, howsoever much we may wish them a certain way. while it may not make me happy to know such times, my acceptance of them and knowledge of their necessity as a trial in this life, makes it mostly gravy. still, I am wondering, at this time of early morning, whether I will find this equal again, whether our words will meet as raindrops in a spreading drought or as snow shards left in the upper reaches of atmosphere: will it melt and reform into one, or be blown by gusts of fate to directions unknown? it's obvious I haven't thought this deeply in a long time. for simple enough a reason: I haven't had a person with which to do so. at least, reflections suit me, so they cannot lure me to a house of horror but only a house of possibility.
- will be adding something about a mirage soon -
for the first time in a long time, I am posting on consecutive days. interesting, the forces that compel me here, but relatively unremarkable in the grand scheme of things. I'm still fully digesting the events of yesterday, just what it means, just how I relate, just how far to invite a (former?) stranger inside a place where I allow few to go. the first step is already in motion. a blog that I've kept since one my more fateful years that has only a handful of posts but no viewers besides myself is now potentially open. why? I imagine it is for the purposes of understanding, and the completion thereof. suffice it to say, barring any unforeseen dramatic exits, this singularity will know much of me almost willingly or otherwise. lol
no, this is not a mirage of love, or some vain concoction like it. if I could try explaining this phenomenon, it would have to be an amalgamation of minds - the first time I can ever say it has happened with someone else. I need not say that I have been searching for some intellectual equal, male or female, from amongst mankind as long as I can remember. one who can write and understand, along somewhat parallel wavelengths, where I seek growth and how life has progressed to the present moment. empathy among people with a real ability to think and decide, is truly rare. one of the only few questions I am left with, is how long would Allah choose to have me taste this sweetness before either it becomes as one with me, or disappears like the mirage of night it first appeared to be. no, it isn't that I question Allah. I've come too far, understood too much, to allow such foolishness fit for lesser minds to hamper my self actualization. some things in life are decreed, howsoever much we may wish them a certain way. while it may not make me happy to know such times, my acceptance of them and knowledge of their necessity as a trial in this life, makes it mostly gravy. still, I am wondering, at this time of early morning, whether I will find this equal again, whether our words will meet as raindrops in a spreading drought or as snow shards left in the upper reaches of atmosphere: will it melt and reform into one, or be blown by gusts of fate to directions unknown? it's obvious I haven't thought this deeply in a long time. for simple enough a reason: I haven't had a person with which to do so. at least, reflections suit me, so they cannot lure me to a house of horror but only a house of possibility.
- will be adding something about a mirage soon -
5.13.2008
- in the name of Allah -
So I am back here again. Why? I'm not entirely sure. It isn't the innate pull of self revelation, nor the desire to lift some hefty burden off of my chest. It isn't even as strong as the typical motivations I have to write something.
I write because I marvel at the hand of fate and its subtle movement. How some paths we plot and plan ourselves, yet they fade to nothing, and some paths of which we carry no inkling, without warning emerge to the surface of our souls from the very depths of our being. I hold no illusions of grandeur, no delusion of sanctity, no farce of fair fate; the only feeling I carry is this awareness that a thing, though it may be of limited purpose and present scope, could impart every single notion I've ever valued outside of deen and the basic premise of my existence, all in one fell swoop.
It could be that a reflection of mine, similar in nature but varying in substance, is finally shone from a corner of the world and a part of life that I hadn't quite expected from. How do I react? What will I do? Will I bury the shovels of my past along side the graves of fallen dreams? Will I create a facade to manage a crisis I don't see but in paranoia might expect anyway?
Simple. I live as if little has changed, but for a glimmer of something greater is given its due. There it is, there it might live, and still there it may die, but I will remember the day it shone bright, without needing to wonder if or why. My past has stayed buried, and as little as I care for it, it plans on staying that way. Facades never were quite my thing, so I'll leave them be and carry on while keeping faith grounded in believing.
from the nearest star..
..fell a dream, into my lap
barely moving, it needed CPR, stat
paddle 1 paddle 2, shock on three
count the lights, hands off, electricity
coursed through veins, depolarizing
a dream in infancy, barely surviving,
it just might make it, begin intubation
blindly, no need for light, I see it clearly.
a patient who fell out of his shuttle,
right before it landed on the moon,
escaped the smoldering rubble,
and not a second too soon,
flames and smoke rose and engulfed,
a lost vantage point blazing the rough,
no real matter, blueprints were in hand,
now to rebuild, across the oceans, across the lands.
So I am back here again. Why? I'm not entirely sure. It isn't the innate pull of self revelation, nor the desire to lift some hefty burden off of my chest. It isn't even as strong as the typical motivations I have to write something.
I write because I marvel at the hand of fate and its subtle movement. How some paths we plot and plan ourselves, yet they fade to nothing, and some paths of which we carry no inkling, without warning emerge to the surface of our souls from the very depths of our being. I hold no illusions of grandeur, no delusion of sanctity, no farce of fair fate; the only feeling I carry is this awareness that a thing, though it may be of limited purpose and present scope, could impart every single notion I've ever valued outside of deen and the basic premise of my existence, all in one fell swoop.
It could be that a reflection of mine, similar in nature but varying in substance, is finally shone from a corner of the world and a part of life that I hadn't quite expected from. How do I react? What will I do? Will I bury the shovels of my past along side the graves of fallen dreams? Will I create a facade to manage a crisis I don't see but in paranoia might expect anyway?
Simple. I live as if little has changed, but for a glimmer of something greater is given its due. There it is, there it might live, and still there it may die, but I will remember the day it shone bright, without needing to wonder if or why. My past has stayed buried, and as little as I care for it, it plans on staying that way. Facades never were quite my thing, so I'll leave them be and carry on while keeping faith grounded in believing.
from the nearest star..
..fell a dream, into my lap
barely moving, it needed CPR, stat
paddle 1 paddle 2, shock on three
count the lights, hands off, electricity
coursed through veins, depolarizing
a dream in infancy, barely surviving,
it just might make it, begin intubation
blindly, no need for light, I see it clearly.
a patient who fell out of his shuttle,
right before it landed on the moon,
escaped the smoldering rubble,
and not a second too soon,
flames and smoke rose and engulfed,
a lost vantage point blazing the rough,
no real matter, blueprints were in hand,
now to rebuild, across the oceans, across the lands.
4.18.2008
- in the name of Allah -
I don't think this blog really serves any purpose for me anymore. My evolution has come so far, realized so much, I wonder if I will ever find again the need to write and give voice to my thoughts.
It's like a leaf blown off a tree into the wind, only to scatter into a million pieces and be reformed in another land, simply to make fertile the land that would grow another tree.
My poetic touch is being lost. I can't quite explain it. Possibly the pragmatism that's become entrenched in my being from putting deen more fully into life has something to do with it. Words...don't mean as much as they once did. They may be able to cut more easily than knives, but they weigh as much as feathers.
It also dawns on me that I need to find someone. Who, I don't know, why, I'm only half sure of, and how, well that remains the most mysterious part. Let the puzzle begin..
I don't think this blog really serves any purpose for me anymore. My evolution has come so far, realized so much, I wonder if I will ever find again the need to write and give voice to my thoughts.
It's like a leaf blown off a tree into the wind, only to scatter into a million pieces and be reformed in another land, simply to make fertile the land that would grow another tree.
My poetic touch is being lost. I can't quite explain it. Possibly the pragmatism that's become entrenched in my being from putting deen more fully into life has something to do with it. Words...don't mean as much as they once did. They may be able to cut more easily than knives, but they weigh as much as feathers.
It also dawns on me that I need to find someone. Who, I don't know, why, I'm only half sure of, and how, well that remains the most mysterious part. Let the puzzle begin..
3.13.2008
- in the name of Allah -
Crap. I thought I could manage to post here at least once every month ever since I began this blog, but I guess not. Clinicals started this semester, so that pretty much explains it. Just not enough time, it seems, to do or say all the things either felt or needed to be said.
The world keeps turning, the past gives a bit more insight day by day, and still the path ahead becomes clearer. We weren't made to live this life like kings or queens, maybe princes or princesses if we're fortunate and grateful. So much of what I write, if anything, has words like "seems" or "appears"...nothing particularly definitive, but as I become more certain of my own purpose, a slight gleam for a tomorrow evident but not quite past.
Crap. I thought I could manage to post here at least once every month ever since I began this blog, but I guess not. Clinicals started this semester, so that pretty much explains it. Just not enough time, it seems, to do or say all the things either felt or needed to be said.
The world keeps turning, the past gives a bit more insight day by day, and still the path ahead becomes clearer. We weren't made to live this life like kings or queens, maybe princes or princesses if we're fortunate and grateful. So much of what I write, if anything, has words like "seems" or "appears"...nothing particularly definitive, but as I become more certain of my own purpose, a slight gleam for a tomorrow evident but not quite past.
1.15.2008
- in the name of Allah -
First time back posting in awhile, and I happen to check bbc.com for a (brief) update on world affairs. Not surprising, but intriguing nonetheless.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7188602.stm
That was the top story this Tuesday, the 15th of January. I only needed to read a few paragraphs into it before what I knew from previous developments (see previous blog posts - about 2-3 months ago).
1. "The 900 satellite-guided Joint Direct Attack Munitions being sold to Riyadh are part of a long-awaited US arms package for Gulf Arab allies worth $20bn."
2. "In Washington, Democrats signalled they were unlikely to block the deal, though some in Congress expressed fears that some of the technology being sold could threaten Israel, the BBC's Jonathan Beale in Washington reports."
3. "US state department spokesman Sean McCormack said that both the Saudi and Israeli governments had been consulted and Washington was ensuring Israel retained a "qualitative military edge"."
4. 'Analysts suggest that Congress will back the arms sale because it would bolster the Saudis in the face of Iran. Tehran has been described by House Foreign Affairs Committee chairman Tom Lantos, a Democrat, as a "mortal threat" to the region, should it acquire nuclear weapons."
Nothing but more of the same, a propagation of warfare-inspiring rhetoric and politically-motivated decisions...which leads me to a question: when was the last time someone in our government did something for a reason other than their own political gain? I can't remember...last time I even recall something like that...it was from a movie..
First time back posting in awhile, and I happen to check bbc.com for a (brief) update on world affairs. Not surprising, but intriguing nonetheless.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7188602.stm
That was the top story this Tuesday, the 15th of January. I only needed to read a few paragraphs into it before what I knew from previous developments (see previous blog posts - about 2-3 months ago).
1. "The 900 satellite-guided Joint Direct Attack Munitions being sold to Riyadh are part of a long-awaited US arms package for Gulf Arab allies worth $20bn."
2. "In Washington, Democrats signalled they were unlikely to block the deal, though some in Congress expressed fears that some of the technology being sold could threaten Israel, the BBC's Jonathan Beale in Washington reports."
3. "US state department spokesman Sean McCormack said that both the Saudi and Israeli governments had been consulted and Washington was ensuring Israel retained a "qualitative military edge"."
4. 'Analysts suggest that Congress will back the arms sale because it would bolster the Saudis in the face of Iran. Tehran has been described by House Foreign Affairs Committee chairman Tom Lantos, a Democrat, as a "mortal threat" to the region, should it acquire nuclear weapons."
Nothing but more of the same, a propagation of warfare-inspiring rhetoric and politically-motivated decisions...which leads me to a question: when was the last time someone in our government did something for a reason other than their own political gain? I can't remember...last time I even recall something like that...it was from a movie..
12.15.2007
- in the name of Allah -
echoes of tomorrow
how splendid is poetry, when ears hear, mere words transform from the mediocre into sublimity. if I was never called out from the cave of Never Land, would sounds still make their way down the untrod path?
I have no more ghosts, no more skeletons of haunting, no more fables long since past to bother a present of solid beginnings. as well as these, I carry no regrets from the land of youthful innocence, no care for spears of sanity that once labeled my head a pear for the reaping. parables and soliloquies once parried me from the earth to the seas, from the skies to everything underneath, but now all the extraordinary and paranormal is compressed to 1/100th the meaning of the abyssal. purpose is evident, if not self explanatory, I have only to reach outside of me to find a leading lesson clothed in flesh of friend or foe. though few reside near the philosophical, it's refreshing to head down the road rarely traveled to awaken a mind accosted by the inanity of mindless dribble. who knows what cards lay in the hand of tomorrow, I only know that I will fight the seemingly inevitable with everything whether it be happiness or sorrow.
echoes of tomorrow
how splendid is poetry, when ears hear, mere words transform from the mediocre into sublimity. if I was never called out from the cave of Never Land, would sounds still make their way down the untrod path?
I have no more ghosts, no more skeletons of haunting, no more fables long since past to bother a present of solid beginnings. as well as these, I carry no regrets from the land of youthful innocence, no care for spears of sanity that once labeled my head a pear for the reaping. parables and soliloquies once parried me from the earth to the seas, from the skies to everything underneath, but now all the extraordinary and paranormal is compressed to 1/100th the meaning of the abyssal. purpose is evident, if not self explanatory, I have only to reach outside of me to find a leading lesson clothed in flesh of friend or foe. though few reside near the philosophical, it's refreshing to head down the road rarely traveled to awaken a mind accosted by the inanity of mindless dribble. who knows what cards lay in the hand of tomorrow, I only know that I will fight the seemingly inevitable with everything whether it be happiness or sorrow.
11.21.2007
- in the name of Allah -
I have just finished watching "Ruroni Kenshin", an anime from the early-mid 1990's. It amazes me how human beings, during the course of history, seem destined to repeat their mistakes. History makes fools of most only to serve as lessons for those who are to inherit the title of 'wise'. But how do we know if we are the fools or the wise?
The first difference is knowing truth. Each and every soul tastes its own during the time it is alive. So how a further distinction made? How is one truth found to be greater or lesser than another? The only truth worth its weight in life (and death, but that comes later), is that this life is transient. It glimmers like gold but all it turns out to be is a fake gold tooth: pretty on the outside, but truly rotten at its core. As such, the concept of entropy should be self evident and self explanatory. The question is, with whom will you side? Will you work to decrease the amount of chaos in your universe? Will you work to increase the chaos of your universe? Or will you choose to sit by and watch it spiral, taking no side and naming no name?
Why is it that in all of major religions, the Devil opposes God? What element of the Devil's existence made such a thing possible? Inevitable? The easy answer is choice. We are told the Devil chose to disobey the command of God. How do the concepts of Good and Evil develop from this? Did Evil come from a place of inherent, pre-existing Evil? Or was it born originally of Good? The widely known notion is that it was born of good. If Evil must come from something Good, then can we determine what is Right and what is Wrong? Are the lines so easily drawn that judgment is the easiest thing for men to do? The lines are blurred, though some remains evident. Because what is Evil was born from something that originally was supposed to Good, it can never equal what it was before.
I have just finished watching "Ruroni Kenshin", an anime from the early-mid 1990's. It amazes me how human beings, during the course of history, seem destined to repeat their mistakes. History makes fools of most only to serve as lessons for those who are to inherit the title of 'wise'. But how do we know if we are the fools or the wise?
The first difference is knowing truth. Each and every soul tastes its own during the time it is alive. So how a further distinction made? How is one truth found to be greater or lesser than another? The only truth worth its weight in life (and death, but that comes later), is that this life is transient. It glimmers like gold but all it turns out to be is a fake gold tooth: pretty on the outside, but truly rotten at its core. As such, the concept of entropy should be self evident and self explanatory. The question is, with whom will you side? Will you work to decrease the amount of chaos in your universe? Will you work to increase the chaos of your universe? Or will you choose to sit by and watch it spiral, taking no side and naming no name?
Why is it that in all of major religions, the Devil opposes God? What element of the Devil's existence made such a thing possible? Inevitable? The easy answer is choice. We are told the Devil chose to disobey the command of God. How do the concepts of Good and Evil develop from this? Did Evil come from a place of inherent, pre-existing Evil? Or was it born originally of Good? The widely known notion is that it was born of good. If Evil must come from something Good, then can we determine what is Right and what is Wrong? Are the lines so easily drawn that judgment is the easiest thing for men to do? The lines are blurred, though some remains evident. Because what is Evil was born from something that originally was supposed to Good, it can never equal what it was before.
11.03.2007
- in the name of Allah -
It seems like it's time for me to post here again. The most recent stimulus is a recent, and infrequent outing with close friends. The behavior patters I've observed, in myself and in them, shows me a divergent path of growth: we are going in different directions. Some people choose to hold on to what is familiar to them and discard that which they find foreign or indigestable. It seems like this is happening now. There was a time when my thoughts and actions would almost linearly and proportionally coincide with those of my close friends. Over these past few years, as we develop in different ways and in different environments, some with more people and some with fewer people, this divergent pattern is becoming more and more pronounced. How can this correlation be detected? How do I know that it is based in fact rather than imagination? It is because my tendencies to be somewhat distant and aloof and separate from them now manifests itself in they being closer to themselves. Quite an observation, but it poses a bit of a predicament for me: of what value is social contact if it does increase one in closeness to someone else? I do not choose friends lightly nor is it a thing taken lightly, yet it seems the links I have had are tarnishing even though I have not exhibited full periodic isolation as I had tended to do so before. It is ironic, no doubt, that the one thing I needed over the years yet avoided assiduously ends up being the one thing I would like most but as it would turn out, periodicity in being present and absent isn't a thing some friends can understand or accept. So it is then, is it, that we lose bonds that aren't meant to be? Do we search in the seas of disastrous meetings waiting to happen on the lookout for something else worthwhile? Who knows, only time seems to hold the answers these days.
It seems like it's time for me to post here again. The most recent stimulus is a recent, and infrequent outing with close friends. The behavior patters I've observed, in myself and in them, shows me a divergent path of growth: we are going in different directions. Some people choose to hold on to what is familiar to them and discard that which they find foreign or indigestable. It seems like this is happening now. There was a time when my thoughts and actions would almost linearly and proportionally coincide with those of my close friends. Over these past few years, as we develop in different ways and in different environments, some with more people and some with fewer people, this divergent pattern is becoming more and more pronounced. How can this correlation be detected? How do I know that it is based in fact rather than imagination? It is because my tendencies to be somewhat distant and aloof and separate from them now manifests itself in they being closer to themselves. Quite an observation, but it poses a bit of a predicament for me: of what value is social contact if it does increase one in closeness to someone else? I do not choose friends lightly nor is it a thing taken lightly, yet it seems the links I have had are tarnishing even though I have not exhibited full periodic isolation as I had tended to do so before. It is ironic, no doubt, that the one thing I needed over the years yet avoided assiduously ends up being the one thing I would like most but as it would turn out, periodicity in being present and absent isn't a thing some friends can understand or accept. So it is then, is it, that we lose bonds that aren't meant to be? Do we search in the seas of disastrous meetings waiting to happen on the lookout for something else worthwhile? Who knows, only time seems to hold the answers these days.
10.11.2007
- in the name of Allah -
Troubled times pervade troubled minds, souls out of twine seeking restlessly a newer place of repose and recline. An endless circle of drudgery, compounded by idiocy and served loads of insanity, a cycle oft repeated but sadly a lesson never learned, a reminder never internally seated. Oh, what the hell is with these trivialities, these paradoxical unions? They lend each other only further misery...dreams held hand in hand with grounded and base ambitions seeking power and glory...where ends the stretch of meaningless bends and turns? Balance remains for the ideally minded, a species of insects only crushed as time's footprint is the only by-gone standard. So begs the implication, to seek in anything or nothing or perhaps everything the comfort and solace that this world can never bring? Where lies the end in he who seeks not war but is thrust in battle, his soul at wit's end, but at last being the only combatant in sight being torn to shreds and reborn a thing unknown and inevitably hailed as heretic and disowned? I am not lost, I am confounded, the world is made of bricks easily built but easily grounded, so consequently my imaginings of fortitude brought forth in solitude never reach the ever wandering multitude. Nomad, the title never wavers, searching and searching eternally, but only finding crooks and capers. Look past the external, see the in-division, that one is one, matter is whimsical, but what is with these humans who sell their lives to meaningless drives? They become only dribble yet imagine themselves kings and rulers over lands and people incalculable. It's a mirage, intended to fool, intended to hamper, intended to fill with air and send truth to scamper. Refuge and sanctuary, these words seem impossible in this darkened light where only rays filtered by small minds and smaller hearts break apart potential with 'words of wisdom' shrouded in conflict immemorial.
Troubled times pervade troubled minds, souls out of twine seeking restlessly a newer place of repose and recline. An endless circle of drudgery, compounded by idiocy and served loads of insanity, a cycle oft repeated but sadly a lesson never learned, a reminder never internally seated. Oh, what the hell is with these trivialities, these paradoxical unions? They lend each other only further misery...dreams held hand in hand with grounded and base ambitions seeking power and glory...where ends the stretch of meaningless bends and turns? Balance remains for the ideally minded, a species of insects only crushed as time's footprint is the only by-gone standard. So begs the implication, to seek in anything or nothing or perhaps everything the comfort and solace that this world can never bring? Where lies the end in he who seeks not war but is thrust in battle, his soul at wit's end, but at last being the only combatant in sight being torn to shreds and reborn a thing unknown and inevitably hailed as heretic and disowned? I am not lost, I am confounded, the world is made of bricks easily built but easily grounded, so consequently my imaginings of fortitude brought forth in solitude never reach the ever wandering multitude. Nomad, the title never wavers, searching and searching eternally, but only finding crooks and capers. Look past the external, see the in-division, that one is one, matter is whimsical, but what is with these humans who sell their lives to meaningless drives? They become only dribble yet imagine themselves kings and rulers over lands and people incalculable. It's a mirage, intended to fool, intended to hamper, intended to fill with air and send truth to scamper. Refuge and sanctuary, these words seem impossible in this darkened light where only rays filtered by small minds and smaller hearts break apart potential with 'words of wisdom' shrouded in conflict immemorial.
9.25.2007
- in the name of Allah -
Imagine that, the first post of the month coming with just about a week left. Interesting, that is.
just a little bit of riddle, just a little bit of prison, the flesh is bound to earth even when there's nothing in and of itself to keep hold from within, while the soul wanders from acre to acre clamoring for peace but finding only trees in hurricane winds. there are so few shelters, few people or places worth needing, the decay from greed seeping into grounds poisoning wells of lineage to make it all digestible seeming. to recoil and retract while blessings rain down on this desert of frowns, a luck only I seem to sully being unable to re-phrase the mundane into something supernaturally intriguing. the divide only gets more markedly defined, disconnects at the quantum level, pulls and pushes become ineffective means that only serve to further reasons for rebuttal. holding on to ropes used to be a specialty, but now it's feared that rope is fate, twisted and curled, a grave invitation to a mirage of serenity..
Imagine that, the first post of the month coming with just about a week left. Interesting, that is.
just a little bit of riddle, just a little bit of prison, the flesh is bound to earth even when there's nothing in and of itself to keep hold from within, while the soul wanders from acre to acre clamoring for peace but finding only trees in hurricane winds. there are so few shelters, few people or places worth needing, the decay from greed seeping into grounds poisoning wells of lineage to make it all digestible seeming. to recoil and retract while blessings rain down on this desert of frowns, a luck only I seem to sully being unable to re-phrase the mundane into something supernaturally intriguing. the divide only gets more markedly defined, disconnects at the quantum level, pulls and pushes become ineffective means that only serve to further reasons for rebuttal. holding on to ropes used to be a specialty, but now it's feared that rope is fate, twisted and curled, a grave invitation to a mirage of serenity..
8.24.2007
- in the name of Allah -
Just having come back from Umrah, I am reminded of a few things. First, one never knows how much something is missed until it's no longer there. Second, the things we take for granted are often some of the things most worth thinking about. Third, spirituality in life is centered around finding a concrete middle path, not necessarily a high/low curve. Fourth, one's friends are oftentimes the bricks by which we construct the outline of living; that is, not in defining life but making inroads into progressing towards a better state. Fifth, and perhaps most importantly, Islam has no classes, modes, no extreme/moderate/liberal classifications: it is whole, complete, and free of error; only the preferences and desires of people lead them to one end or the other, though the best path will always be the middle.
I missed being in the States. Can you imagine that? I couldn't, until I left here and went to a 'developing' country overseas. Simply put, the believers living in America are blessed, and tried by those blessings in the same token. Remember the favors Allah has bestowed upon you!..before there should come a time where you remember what it's like to live without a home, or without a family, or without a dependable means of sustenance. The ills of this society are what we must change: it is not that by leaving the land in which we were born (or led to..I speak only to the ~18-24 generation) that we will find peace, but it is by trying to perfect the land we are living that we can be satisfied, insomuch as it is possible knowing our own weaknesses and shortcomings. It is clear enough that of what Allah has prohibited for mankind, we have to find ways to bring that light of understanding to the places where we live. Why? Because if we cannot find our true form here, our true purpose here first, then we will not find it anywhere else. It follows that before we seek to correct the ills of the society at large, the shortcomings of our own selves need first be addressed, again, insomuch as humanly possible. We cannot advise against usury, while bearing usury-bearing bank accounts. We cannot advise against the proliferation of indecency while immersing our selves and our families in such a state. We cannot advise a people to do good, while our own examples betray our advice. The self is, and always has been, the primarily necessitated focus that every conscientious individual must bear, as a burden meant not to bring us down, but to bring the moral and spiritual state of this country higher.
Just having come back from Umrah, I am reminded of a few things. First, one never knows how much something is missed until it's no longer there. Second, the things we take for granted are often some of the things most worth thinking about. Third, spirituality in life is centered around finding a concrete middle path, not necessarily a high/low curve. Fourth, one's friends are oftentimes the bricks by which we construct the outline of living; that is, not in defining life but making inroads into progressing towards a better state. Fifth, and perhaps most importantly, Islam has no classes, modes, no extreme/moderate/liberal classifications: it is whole, complete, and free of error; only the preferences and desires of people lead them to one end or the other, though the best path will always be the middle.
I missed being in the States. Can you imagine that? I couldn't, until I left here and went to a 'developing' country overseas. Simply put, the believers living in America are blessed, and tried by those blessings in the same token. Remember the favors Allah has bestowed upon you!..before there should come a time where you remember what it's like to live without a home, or without a family, or without a dependable means of sustenance. The ills of this society are what we must change: it is not that by leaving the land in which we were born (or led to..I speak only to the ~18-24 generation) that we will find peace, but it is by trying to perfect the land we are living that we can be satisfied, insomuch as it is possible knowing our own weaknesses and shortcomings. It is clear enough that of what Allah has prohibited for mankind, we have to find ways to bring that light of understanding to the places where we live. Why? Because if we cannot find our true form here, our true purpose here first, then we will not find it anywhere else. It follows that before we seek to correct the ills of the society at large, the shortcomings of our own selves need first be addressed, again, insomuch as humanly possible. We cannot advise against usury, while bearing usury-bearing bank accounts. We cannot advise against the proliferation of indecency while immersing our selves and our families in such a state. We cannot advise a people to do good, while our own examples betray our advice. The self is, and always has been, the primarily necessitated focus that every conscientious individual must bear, as a burden meant not to bring us down, but to bring the moral and spiritual state of this country higher.
8.16.2007
- in the name of Allah -
After the events of the past few days, I wonder: what is the purpose of pain in life? Is it in fact the means by which weakness leaves the body? Is it the defining characteristic of each individual's life, their attitude towards it? My molar was removed a few days ago, and in the 4 hours following it, before taking any medication, I experienced such a pain as one I have never recollected having before. It's intensity led me to ponder over a number of things. First was the 'worth' of life under such duress; could it, should it be possible, tolerable? Interestingly, the second question led me to the opposite direction: how life is made more worthwhile through the pain that is endured (as patiently as possible that is). If the purpose of pain is to make us stronger, why is it that so many seek to avoid it at all costs? Is this avoidance of pain in itself a weakness? It could be said that this is a product of the times, of the industrial age, where manual labor loses its respect. Concurrently, work that maximizes return for minimal effort is granted an ever higher place in society. Trends such as these are the beginning blocks of the normalization of failure, that start the trickling effect that compounds decadence and ignorance, making the melting pot no longer a melting pot, but a vent of volcanic steam.
After the events of the past few days, I wonder: what is the purpose of pain in life? Is it in fact the means by which weakness leaves the body? Is it the defining characteristic of each individual's life, their attitude towards it? My molar was removed a few days ago, and in the 4 hours following it, before taking any medication, I experienced such a pain as one I have never recollected having before. It's intensity led me to ponder over a number of things. First was the 'worth' of life under such duress; could it, should it be possible, tolerable? Interestingly, the second question led me to the opposite direction: how life is made more worthwhile through the pain that is endured (as patiently as possible that is). If the purpose of pain is to make us stronger, why is it that so many seek to avoid it at all costs? Is this avoidance of pain in itself a weakness? It could be said that this is a product of the times, of the industrial age, where manual labor loses its respect. Concurrently, work that maximizes return for minimal effort is granted an ever higher place in society. Trends such as these are the beginning blocks of the normalization of failure, that start the trickling effect that compounds decadence and ignorance, making the melting pot no longer a melting pot, but a vent of volcanic steam.
8.05.2007
- in the name of Allah -
you can't vanquish the vilified, for their eyes have already been marked closed as the curtains rise, so even though light shines, the rest of day for them is as truth becoming lies. teleport and apparate, jump the skies that planes have navigated, just find a wormhole where time isn't a crushing darkness of the necessitated. chained and bound even though the mouth is open there is no sound, only waves of empathy lost in translation as runes of mystics blurred by speech and linguistic irregularity. caves and pyramids hold the buried treasures, but without explorers the knowledge is as good as nonexistent, just another repercussion of carelessness gone irrevocably rampant. seize the blades before the sieves split open, revealing fate's nameless tokens and suddenly everything visualized becomes lost to the seasons. fill the empty basins with air, but still the pensieve's mist is more substantial so in effect what your putting in isn't really there. like Snape lamented the one part that was his to be played for the world to be saved, I'm reminded that saviors come in many colors and stripes, that even though I want to be a white knight, perchance blue and green may suit me more until falls this curtain of dreams. alas, it's then I can't see myself, my own reflection, not in the mirror of Erised, but that of Hturt, for the wavelengths might be abrogated, stuck in sub-warp speed leaving the image a vision in wonder and question serenaded. flee, flee to the chariot of apathy, take your courtier of courtesy to the shores of antiquity. my bird hasn't yet arrived, but you shall know when it has, made of flames, it doesn't burn but lights the path, awaiting the moment I yield the sword while myself a silver-green hue screaming 'there's none but One', in justice giving the hordes their due.
you can't vanquish the vilified, for their eyes have already been marked closed as the curtains rise, so even though light shines, the rest of day for them is as truth becoming lies. teleport and apparate, jump the skies that planes have navigated, just find a wormhole where time isn't a crushing darkness of the necessitated. chained and bound even though the mouth is open there is no sound, only waves of empathy lost in translation as runes of mystics blurred by speech and linguistic irregularity. caves and pyramids hold the buried treasures, but without explorers the knowledge is as good as nonexistent, just another repercussion of carelessness gone irrevocably rampant. seize the blades before the sieves split open, revealing fate's nameless tokens and suddenly everything visualized becomes lost to the seasons. fill the empty basins with air, but still the pensieve's mist is more substantial so in effect what your putting in isn't really there. like Snape lamented the one part that was his to be played for the world to be saved, I'm reminded that saviors come in many colors and stripes, that even though I want to be a white knight, perchance blue and green may suit me more until falls this curtain of dreams. alas, it's then I can't see myself, my own reflection, not in the mirror of Erised, but that of Hturt, for the wavelengths might be abrogated, stuck in sub-warp speed leaving the image a vision in wonder and question serenaded. flee, flee to the chariot of apathy, take your courtier of courtesy to the shores of antiquity. my bird hasn't yet arrived, but you shall know when it has, made of flames, it doesn't burn but lights the path, awaiting the moment I yield the sword while myself a silver-green hue screaming 'there's none but One', in justice giving the hordes their due.
7.31.2007
- in the name of Allah -
In case some of you haven't caught some of the recent news, I've posted it here:
In case the meaning of the above points is lost, I'll clarify. Essentially, the U.S. government will be doing what it has been doing for the past century or so: selling arms to 2+ factions in a tense region, and basically letting the warring parties finish each other off. What's interesting from the second point is that the U.S. government assures Israel that it will have top priority in the region in terms of technology and funding, so no matter whatever is given/sold to its neighbors, it remains ahead in the massacres to come. The third point is interesting because Abbas is probably the least (democratically...oh the irony..) popular puppet "representing" the Palestinian people, so essentially not only is Israel supported light years ahead in terms of finances and weaponry, but the side of the Palestinian people being supported is bound to self destruct and cause more in fighting within the Occupied Territories themselves. So what does all of this mean, together? It's a little veiled effort to, essentially, vaporize one of the cores of the Ummah (Jerusalem / Masjid Al-Aqsa). When did things become so bad, that the government felt it was giving off the imitation of fairness by even bothering to release articles like these, affirming what people on the 'in' already knew? I should add, the arms are aimed at hope that the Arab countries finish off Iran first before themselves and each other. This is no fair fight, there is no care for humanitarian crises, only more planning for massive bloodshed and catastrophic instability in a region that's been externally racked by it for decades. How can we preach justice to one side and turn a blind eye to the obviously contradictory truth? It is a sad day indeed.
In case some of you haven't caught some of the recent news, I've posted it here:
- United States sending more aid to Israel
- United States selling major arms and equipment to Saudia Arabia and other Arab countries in the region
- United States and Israel vow to support Abbas
In case the meaning of the above points is lost, I'll clarify. Essentially, the U.S. government will be doing what it has been doing for the past century or so: selling arms to 2+ factions in a tense region, and basically letting the warring parties finish each other off. What's interesting from the second point is that the U.S. government assures Israel that it will have top priority in the region in terms of technology and funding, so no matter whatever is given/sold to its neighbors, it remains ahead in the massacres to come. The third point is interesting because Abbas is probably the least (democratically...oh the irony..) popular puppet "representing" the Palestinian people, so essentially not only is Israel supported light years ahead in terms of finances and weaponry, but the side of the Palestinian people being supported is bound to self destruct and cause more in fighting within the Occupied Territories themselves. So what does all of this mean, together? It's a little veiled effort to, essentially, vaporize one of the cores of the Ummah (Jerusalem / Masjid Al-Aqsa). When did things become so bad, that the government felt it was giving off the imitation of fairness by even bothering to release articles like these, affirming what people on the 'in' already knew? I should add, the arms are aimed at hope that the Arab countries finish off Iran first before themselves and each other. This is no fair fight, there is no care for humanitarian crises, only more planning for massive bloodshed and catastrophic instability in a region that's been externally racked by it for decades. How can we preach justice to one side and turn a blind eye to the obviously contradictory truth? It is a sad day indeed.