- in the name of Allah -


just watched luws chainj



o_O

- in the name of Allah -



So I embarked upon something with less than perfect intentions, but lo' and behold, before it could happen I heard the Qur'an. If there's anything in the world that can cure a weakening heart, that is it. Alhamdulillah. Sometimes I wonder just how petty we human beings can be in our desires and thoughts. May Allah forgive me, and my brothers and sisters of the deen, ameen.

I've wondered, among other things, what should be the force of stimulus that brings one person into one's life. Should it be for selfish reasons, or to benefit the other? I think the only conclusion and basis of judgment can be the truth. Deep down, its often possible to discern if true benefit, i.e in both this life and the next, would be attainable according to any given intention. With part of that understanding, I've rescinded what was probably a no-win situation on one hand, to reaffirm the possibilities of truth in another.

One more realization, that wherever I find a trace of truth or a trace of Allah, I will no longer create impediments in my own path, no more doubts, no more walls between what is good for me and what it is I seek. Ameen

- in the name of Allah -


Deathbed of a poet


solemn and silent, the wind blows away the leaves and soil, finding in its path a fading vision no longer defiant. theres no struggle, no need to desist, the bodys decayed and the souls in a place of no peace, a place without rest. inanimate imaginings can walk through walls but cant see past the tips of their fingers, right where the blame would fall if they stopped to look only inside. theres quite a bit of longing for the greater and unbound, unfortunately the time for it isnt now and so it becomes an enemy in disguise as a friend or spy. thinking is an abyss for those who carry its torch to the farthest and most dimly lit part of its cave, anyone who goes in just might need another to reach closer and pull them back if they dare to try and save. stop and go, you never know when life's light turns green or red, never know when its finally all done and said until the covers laid over the head and over the eyes, shutting out the questions and ignoring the lies, fates finally been found- a concrete slab of a poet's deathbed.

- in the name of Allah -


(that masterpiece)
sometimes the soul is a sheet of music, either compressed or composed, finding outlet in rhythms and sounds when no other place seems to offer any repose. if we'd agree that life was cyclic, then how is it broken? can it only be through death or is change able to be little more than a metastizing token? some of my words float and fly while others sink and die, it doesn't mean their message is ever different, only that the medium they're received in seems to be from me independant. I've tasted a bit of what it's like to be free, to soar with the wings of birds and be bound by nothing but the aim of things. there is a test today and another tomorrow, each and every exam with a scantron of choices to see if we invest our fortune of time or live off of what we borrow. the pieces and parts inside have often lamented how fate appears as a final albeit divine intervention, sending x diverging from y, when the axis of life we thought was only in two dimensions. it turns out that I or we were wrong and what was perceived to be the course of budding history, was but a trial among trials to determine where we stand precisely. I won't be the fish with deception's light in the deepest depths of the ocean, every time I see faint glimmers lured its both a breath of life and a hellish roar of anguish. so, I recede my worthless currency from investing in you, from taking potential away and making a decisive divide between us two. there's a time when what we want is no longer what's best to be had, no longer the innocence of hope once nourished in the bosom of adolescence. therefore and thereby, every right you've been granted should be a right you exercise. enough is enough when the skin I developed wasn't quite thick enough for this. if from truth eventually follows peace, it's the reward of foregoing ourselves from dried bits of yesterday's destiny.

- in the name of Allah -


Modest Mouse - Float On Lyrics

I backed my car into a cop car the other day

Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok

I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what can i say

Well you just laughed it off it was all ok



And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on any way well



Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam

It was worth it just to learn some sleight-of-hand

Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands

Good news will work its way to all them plans

We both got fired on the exactly the same day

Well we'll float on good news is on the way



And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on ok

And we'll all float on alright

Already we'll all float on

Now don't worry we'll all float on

Alright already we'll all float on

Alright don't worry we'll all float on



And we'll all float on alright

Already we'll all float on

Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy

we'll all float on alright

Already we'll all float on

Alright already we'll all float on

Ok don't worry we'll all float on

Even if things get heavy we'll all float on

Alright already we'll all float on

Don't you worry we'll all float on

All float on

- in the name of Allah -



Although I'm posting sooner than anticipated, for some reason I don't think it would be any less fitting..


Choices

choice is a blade that cuts and divides, truth from falsehood and falsity from lies. choice is a glue that binds hearts and minds, even when insanity is welcome and no one cares for time. choice is a rope that chokes and saves both kings and slaves, no preference to either but for all an abyss of consequence. to make a choice is to choose a side, a side colored in black or white but with plenty of grey striped for occasions ripe. it's not an apple or a tree, but two neurons interclicking and clacking, finding a way to release the fruits of a cortex bound in a hurricane of 'either-or' gifts in wrapping. no stockings no trees, no stars on the tips of branches, no evergreen leaves. no pumpkins no candles, no costumes no hiding beneath mantles. there's no season needed, no precip to fall, thats required for a choice to be made for in any weather it conspires to stall. here you'll find no theory of conspiracy however, the time is short and pivotal moments approach with apathy for a time or despite forever. still choice remains like a floating fire forever aflight, lit deep inside the soul, able to make warm in december or throw blizzard on top of the cold.

- in the name of Allah -



SubhanAllah. Just got back from Niagara Falls some hours ago, and what an experience it was. Unusually enough, I had a difficult time actually appreciating the natural beauty that was everywhere since the mind kept wandering. Nonetheless, the fact that I couldn't fully appreciate it didn't take away from the whole thing in any way. Should be posting up some pics soon iA.

As for the major events preceding the trip, at least for those who know me well enough lol, I had removed all the games I played on my pc. That was one step in what I foresee as continued development of the self and perhaps a bit farther away from the isolationist scene to which I've previously been inexorably linked. As for the events during the trip, I actually dipped into the indoor heated pool at the hotel we stayed at. Being the first time ever I've tried swimming, it was more fun figuring out how the heck to try and stay afloat, but alh seems like a beginning to certainly build off of. I was reading a bit of T.H. White's "The Once and Future King" (yep, same book as the one seen in x3), and I came across a passage that was particularly resonating. The character in the book, Merlyn, described swimming as akin to flying. And whaddaya know, he was right. So, the first step before I can (inshAllah) fly in jannah, is swimming, and if that turns out to be half or even a tenth of the experience flying promises to be, then indeed, the wait was well worth it.

All throughout the trip, I kept remembering people, for some odd reason or other. Some very unique and perhaps illogical ideas occurred to me too, but then such seems to be the case when the subconscious is inherently pensive. Any how, I checked out the two playlists and they seemed pretty cool, though admittedly not entirely my kind of flavor. Some more good ideas are always welcome.

Anything else I think should go here can probably wait till a good night's sleep, so iA.

ma'asalaam

- in the name of Allah -



Alhamdulillah for new days and short term memory. Sometimes, its the only key one has to survival. Anyhow, on to more important news. Tonight, I should be heading off with family to Niagara Falls. iA, should be a heck of an experience.

Meanwhile, the playlist recommendations are going pretty well; of course, whoever has any more ideas (songs) need only drop a line. If I can make it to Pirates of the Carribean (sp?) this afternoon, that'd be the best scenario, but I dunno exactly how much needs to be packed so we'll see iA. Jumu'ah time approaches, and my new lease on life says I need to go, so ma'asalaam

- in the name of Allah -


Peace is a treasured blessing only oblivious to those who don't pay enough attention to find it in life. Alhamdulillah, things are moving along pretty well. The summer session of Anatomie and Physiologie II should be over in less than a month, and iA then starts the program this fall. Among other interesting things, it seems I have a(nother) stalker..lol...Allah help us all, ameen.

- in the name of Allah -


Alas, life never ceases to surprise. Alhamdulillah though, some things are easier to weather than others. Take, for instance, someone calling me with the caller ID blocked and then refusing to speak on the other line. Like, what kind of a conversation is it when it's entirely one sided?? Not to say I can't use my imagination, or attribute more to it than meets the eye, but whatever it is it's still trifling. In other news, caught up with an old friend who should be coming up to MD this week iA. It's gonna be a kodak moment seeing how he fits back in the masjid scene, if only for a minute.

Meanwhile, I'm on the second season of Smallville (DVD's). It's progressing quite nicely, and of course it has its moments of utter geeky-cheesiness and unsufferable sentimentality, but all in all it's a series worth seeing if only for how it all unfolds.

In other news, I'm compiling a list of good songs to make a playlist out of and I need help. I was able to pick out SR-71's Tomorrow out of what I was watching, but I need more input. Leave all suggestions as comments please, thanks. It's interesting though, how my "taste" in music seems to be evolving. Things liked yesterday don't seem to be appreciated today. No doubt the endless march of life to the tune of change, but intriguing to see how the self evolves nonetheless.


A random poetic..

If I close my eyes and could see ahead of time, would I tip the scales and favor the smaller fish over the bigger whales? or would I doubtless become just another bottom dweller in the ocean of possibility, searching my way amidst the depth of great pressure and no visibility. I can't foresee ahead not even the steps my feet take in walking, for it might come to pass I die and fall to the ground though what's ahead of me hasn't stopped harking. If death is the end of all desires, why should we live for them? Don't the things that mean more and most than those deserve the time and space that our being composes? It's easy as slicing butter to take our piece of the pie, but when it's time for our neighbor to die, there's not a tear shed, not even a whiff of concern; wonder why? If our own lives were guaranteed saftey while those closest were to live in peril, could we accept this and leave another's hopes as a needle of chance made sterile? I've found in these last few days, perhaps more than any moment prior, it's hard not to love or care especially of a period dire.
and so, what have we in this physical existence but each other's hands to hold and shoulders to clasp, hearts to make firm, dreams to make last?

- in the name of Allah -



It's ironic how someone can feel like they're three times their age, but when it comes to the knowledge and experience of feeling that way, they have no answer. Basically, it's a hassle not knowing and not experiencing a lifetime's worth this very second. Sometimes you're surprised at some things, and they happen to be not so bad. It still is so messed up how rebellious I feel towards fate in the smallest of ways. Take, for example, the unhidden irony in the fact that production of gastric lipase (an enzyme present in the stomach that breaks down fat) is at its highest in adolescence but declines significantly in adulthood- is it just me (ha ha) or do we tend to need it MOST as adults, but yet our biological systems appear designed as if to simply accomodate more and more lipids (fats), no matter the consequence to our health..THAT is irony if I ever knew it. So you see, it's not only the big things that provoke one's sense of right and wrong and throw them to the wind, it gets down to very building blocks of our physical existence, and how yet we must fight and struggle against even our own selves down to the molecular level! I can't presume to know what only Allah knows, but it's damned obvious just how much of a test this life is. It makes things so much more interesting.

- in the name of Allah -



I'm still human.


Fuck the cylces and the motors, just take me to a time when all the rollercoasting's over. A day passes and a sun rises then it sets and gradually the moon sows all the seeds of inability's regrets. I stay a path it seems only so long that I know how much it is what I really need, only to have my weakness peek around the corner and give trifling hopes a stake in the heart, burying pieces and parts in a tomb of finity's gloom. Where's consistency's shoulder when its my effort that falling cold, flat and impenetrable, like the bones and will of a war vet grown old. What if I was fated to die in a moment of forgetting, what'd become of all the things I planted but a Great Wall of Shortcomings? Right now its suffocating to be human, to be always breathing and choking in an asthmatic sea of self-made burden. Two seconds I'm free and above, then three hours I'm encaged and below, this is the test of life's little truffles every wise man intimately comes to know. To pass or fail, is there a choice in it of mine? Easily I would say I should pass, but then I see a mirror and it occurs to me the only way to find out is if I can last.

- in the name of Allah -



Alhamdulillah, another day I'm alive. Life is truly precious when you think how easy it is to lose someone you love, especially a family member. I was thinking about how I would feel if my someone in my family died, how devastating it would be. And imagine, how one can care again when once it seemed like apathy would rule the day. Alhamdulillah for that too. Few minutes ago, I wondered whether it was better to not care and as a result not experience loss or to care and be subject to it every second of every day- I think the choice is clear: to care is better even though in doing so we may find sadness. The rationale would be that those who risk the least gain just as much, whereas those who risk the most tend to gain the same. Of course, the greatest "risk" in this life seems to be to believe in something we can't see. Science would have one believe that that's impossible, but it wouldn't be the first time it's been wrong and proven to be so.

Getting back to whatever topic it was I intended to start with, life is a journey. You can't expect to do it all in one day, or know exactly where your next pit stop is going to be. The thing that makes all the difference in the world, the thing that balances destiny and free will is choice, the only thing we control. We may not be able to understand the scope of the decisions we make, making it all the more important that we make positive choices with discretion towards moderation and due process. There's no end that is without its beginning, so if we never try we will never attain. It is by a first step that a marathon or a sprint is run, and it is by a first brick which gradually builds the skyscaper. I spoke with a friend today and we discussed some things I learned from my experiences, lessons noteworthy enough to mention.

1. online communication isn't the best
2. attachment can be dangerous
3. sometimes people don't mean what they say and say what they don't mean
4. the female gender can be quite complex
5. in the end, all you have is faith

For various reasons, these are part of the culmination of wisdom from experiences many years in the making. Asking why regarding these isn't as important, as the eventual acceptance and internalization that result. To find the path, in spite of the thorns encountered on the way, is better than to have wandered forever though never meeting a thorn and never being able to savor even the smallest victory.

Another interesting aspect of the conversation was the discussion of how a male-female friendship could be qualified within the bounds of Islam while still being beneficial for both parties involved. Previously it was my conviction that such a thing was impossible, that any such kind of communication would irrevocably lead to something more. Now, my perspective has changed. Partially, the reason is having experienced two major periods in life where I had a friendship and attempted to make it into something more and it didn't work out either time. So, experience says that attempting or forcing a relationship in a deeper direction can easily backfire. So how can it be easier or possible for the relationship to remain a friendship and nothing more? The answer is fairly simple; Islam should be the means and purpose by which we are bound to each other, and if it is the case, then as protectors, brothers and sisters to one another, mutual support is a key facet of our existence. What is a lone individual but precisely that, a lone individual? One supported and advised, accompanied and consoled, is surely able to go farther than one without such friendships in place. All of this is only relevant and considered with respect to full honesty with one's self and others. Dishonesty or ill intention are seeds of regret waiting to be planted in those hearts who seek where they should not find. Even so, the balance of human nature and human responsibility in any scenario can be achieved only, as far as I know, through consistent openness and awareness of the self and of Allah. We can and may falter, but the point is not in having fallen, it is in rising again.

- in the name of Allah -


"To see the world in a grain of sand, and to see heaven in a wild flower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour." -William Blake



I believe one singular moment of peace and tranquility is worth a thousand painful pricks. If only one such moment is found, and can be recollected in times of distress, who's to say the world and all its trifles become nothing more than a speck on the window of happiness?

What is perhaps more revealing, is the hadith of the Prophet (saw) in which it is said that whatever is good that befalls a person is because of Allah, and whatever is bad that befalls a person is because of his own doing. What truer statement can their be? Nay, what other statement can make so much sense? If any athiest used convential logic about the role of God (Allah) versus the role of man, and how one should play a role in the existence of the other, then this hadith alone would be enough to quell any misgivings. Allah has been assumed by many former people of the book (Jews and Christians) to be all-Good and it is wondered as to why evil could occur in the world if the postulated creator of the world was inherently and entirely "Good". Analyzing the hadith in this context, one sees that whatever good is found or expressed anywhere is as a result of Allah's will, whereas whatever evil and wrong is found or expressed anywhere is as a result of people following their own desires. Those who wish to reap need only look to what they sow to know what eternity has in store.


On a similar note, alhamdulillah. There are many amongst friends who are facing strenuous situations in life; may Allah make the burden easier on them all, ameen. As for myself, may Allah make the deen easy for my heart to accept and my mind to enact, ameen.

-in the name of Allah-



Alhamdulillah

some things you ask for and don't recieve, others you don't ask for and do recieve. and yet, in both cases, there is always a greater, divine wisdom. for this guiding aspect of fate and its holder, i am grateful



so i'm no longer in the market for hearts, no more looking for wholes but i'll take spare parts wherever i find them, becoming complete or helping along other wayfarers' destiny. life is nothing i or someone else hasn't already said it is, so whats there left to say, what words could bring us closer to truth than our own experience? indeed
but experience is but one facet and for those who lack, there's the complement of wisdom's visor and understanding's bootstrap. sometimes you let yourself and those you know take the roads that are theirs, even if it means parting in this lifetime and facing your fears. i can't acquiesce just yet, there's too much blood in my veins and too much of my soul with a purpose momentarily blind but whose sight it seems can never (iA) be stolen. in accepting what's been decreed, i don't forego the past i've seen or the possibilities of a tomorrow not yet breathed, i simply acknowledge my role and place in time, a trifle's trace that cannot be erased but in open heart and mind certainly embraced. every now and then may be laced with memory's poison or pen, but let it be noted that ink does'nt last, dis-ease is a token of this life for as long as we live in the hourglass. what's gone is gone and for now may never be, but let what might and may be take its hold and lead us to eternal serenity


it's only for a chance that we're alive; maybe, just maybe, this one chance is all we need, inshAllah

-in the name of Allah-


It hasn't been as easy a road as I thought it would be. Time and time again, I find myself being away from all the things and people and places I used to know in life. Why is this so, why do I seem to run away, to avoid the subtle hints of the past? There's no more sanctuary left for me, that once used to be. It's raining outside, alh a little cooler now. Feels good for the soul.

Not two weeks ago, I thought it was all over in my mind; imagined I'd moved past all the ghosts of the past that haunted me...but that wasn't the case. They're still there. Slowly, I battle them for control of my soul, for a firmer grip on giving a damn instead of letting fate disintegrate plans into thin air. There's much I've wanted to say, but others have told me to do so would be unwise and purposeless. They are right. So, I will not. The remnants of years will remain as shards for my mind, until I can manage to construct another glass house. I would make it of stone, but stone doesn't let one see like glass and it opposes me in many subtle ways. Still, if Allah wills, a house of glass can survive a hurricane, so not all is or could be lost. I retain proofs of pains past, small evidences that convince me I wasn't entirely caught by insanity's net. Still, the past is where it will remain.

I was a fool. I still may be. But to forgive the fool of folly would be best for all.


Where is there to go from now but forward, what steps and strolls to take

that might make experience not a burden but a steward

-in the name of Allah-


It's folly to think that what has gone will lie calmly down in the grave I've dug, every shovel of earth carries with it a scream of agony in hopes to reach the skies above. Alas, the fate of the dearly departed mound of dirt is simply to bury, nothing else though ghosts might entice the digger not to hurry. I need fuel to absorb and process, understand and internalize, or else the mind will erode my inner being from the deepest core wherein the soul lies. But where is the care one's supposed to feel while approaching friends and acquaintances? There's nothing but an absence, slowly creating and widening another lovely, black-hole of an abcess. Sure, I can keep my conscience above this fray that occurs on the lowest levels of being, but how long can it go on without erasing knowledge of meaning? I began to read some of yesterday and the consequences came in a vision I expected but couldn't quite imagine. Abruptly, the pages close and another effort is made to keep the book of history under cloaked threat of coals. Can tomorrow mean something without a past complement? Can ideals survive the battering of thought and fate? Can a lone prayer wipe clean a darkened slate? Questions and answers posed by a restless mind caught in a senseless world, a little bit of clarity perhaps before it becomes a lazy swirl of death's memory.

-in the name of Allah-


Time can be a blessing if only one understands how it brings about healing for the soul and camels for journeys across desert sands. There aren't many oases to be encountered, so take each as it comes, without making it subject to irrelevant wish or whim. Some I know take the bones of the past to make reminders of skeletons, but I think that all they do is make more glass ceilings. Where are those fellow thinkers to help digest and interpret fate's earthquakes and tremors? but Where is he who thinks compared to he who acts? Can one become of both a unfied entity, or are they different species, each clamoring for a chance to be expressed and free? Slow steps for caution, strides for ambition, taking a stroll in between might bring the best of both in voices of unison.


alh

-in the name of Allah-


To think, I was foolish enough to imagine the worser times and moments had passed me by, when only there needed to come a day without any pills taken but many wonderings why. I've bordered on heresy before, knowingly questioning the vicissitudes of fate and what it had in store. But yet, so many elements that define me remain paradoxially linked to a future seemingly threatened to its brink. It amazes me how one idea can have sway over man, how just the mere taste of a vision is enough for the mouth to water and all other senses fail in a pattern almost a given. Alas, it's the fate of people such as me, who's favorite past time is thinking and best foresight is thinking..its idea upon idea, slowly building a mountain of unfulfillment. So I posed a question to a friend, can such an idealist survive the tide of time? The shores of the mind are slowly being eroded, the beach's beauty slowly lost, and during it all one wonders reality at what cost. Now, as at every crossroad faced before, I have two options: remain steadfast and know that all has its course and moment, or let loose and live as if anguish was life's only motive. As much as I try, I'll probably fall into the former, for to find the latter my end would puzzle even the coroner.

-in the name of Allah-


another chapter, albeit much smaller, in life comes to a periodic close. i wonder if i'm happier now that i've saved myself from high likelihood of grief only to find no avail everywhere else. i'm a step away from what's good for me and i'm a step away from what's not, so what am i closer to? there should be a pill for turning off the nafs and everything that springs from it. sometimes there'd be relief to be found in complete indifference. as that's impossible for me, i meander forth.


certainty is gold, comfort is silver, if i could gift wrap myself an ounce of each i'd be a trillion dollars richer. you might wonder why give myself a gift, it's because i can't quite find the other half in a rear view mirror's tilt. of patterns this i've noticed, imagination is fruitless as long as life is corrosive. building so many towers out of dreamer's bricks, everything evaporates once the stars of fate become even remotely lit. letting go now to be a little safer later on, i see gatsby's ball failed and his only friend came when the bullet revolved. ambitions and dreams, desires and goals, all make up the idealistic idiot that fills all the cameo roles. like a mime i follow his signs and try to gain mastery of time, but what's real and unforeseen clouds my vision to what's a given buried in smokescreens. to each of these ryhmes add a drop of bitterness and a pound of frustration, bake for a lifetime, open the casket to reap heavenly or hellish gestation.


-needing du'a

-in the name of Allah-


day 1 of summer session is over, alh. didn't go badly at all, another blessing to be thankful for. in other news, decided to reinstate this blog. o_o


also, its odd how some people communicate, but alas, if it works it works.

-in the name of Allah-


what the hell am i thinking? sometimes i wonder if i really live in my physical body at all or do i visit other places while thinking to be conscious. i think, once in a while, one experiencing this should bang the head against a wall, then repose the question: what am i doing? o_o


i mean ffs, its as if i created words in my mind to take the place of what someone else said..what other greater form of self-delusion/fallacy can there be?!?!

-in the name of Allah-


so i went camping this past weekend. alhamdulillah, was a generally good experience. met my first beach (without attractions, alh) and saw the waves just crash on the shore. the skies, after rain, made their own cool forms, nice to see but even better when you could actually sit outside somewhat comfortably. in the past time or fore time, managed to write some poetics, release thoughts from within that just kept coming whether people liked it or not lol, but alh, a brain working is a brain able to think over its Creator


Under these stars what words can one soul compose? just enough perhaps to have built a crossing road, spanning seas of trials with wily winds of turbulence. gone past the learning phases and trifles of denial, i know that in life i've reach yet another plateau.
who are you that would not be of those already been, who are you that might solve the puzzle of whom and when? some notions i carry thus, of what becomes from ashes of apathy, exactly what one must. so what new plan have i designed, that might counter scenes previously contrived? i'm now aware and have accepted, how destiny and fate are both by one Single force directed. in the scheme of our existence, it matters little whether our flesh should ever meet, but wholly of this acquaintance that we might acquire a piety more than simply skin deep. with these words i conclude lines of early morning, iA so that in a span of this hour, we find an eternity more endearing.

Cloudy waves
why does the sky hold an animal's remains, rib cage and bones, a mirage soon to be changed? i see the whole as a picture's frame, wondering why it was slaughtered; maybe a deed it did wasn't quite rightly proffered? if it had to die, let us have learned not to spurn a vow long ago sworn.
not many hours later the clouds are transformed, wisping away while revealing stars to help the moon shed light on a nightly cover. darkness may deceive the casual observer, but look a little deeper and find nature's beauty in a muffled whisper.
i purposely write this imagery laced with backflashes and forward slashes because His is a rope i can't seem to let go or ever need any less; every time life rudely awakens in screams of stress, i pull tightly and the twine survives every duress. just as that is the fuel of my soul and the mould of the heart, there some things so innate that a clam's shells need never part to unseal the pearl- a love by infinity trade marked.

-in the name of Allah-


I know that sometimes wherever one goes, there are always trailing wisps of yesterday to follow, and if they don't happen to be in actuality, then they would be ideally. But enough of ideal and actual, terms I've pondered much over already; there need be no bleeding whence there is surgery.

So what is the current state of affairs? Summer session starts next Mon. iA, and here I go fullsteam toward being a little closer to slightly-self-sufficient (its assumed that Allah is the best of providers, so whatever I can 'attain' for myself, it is only that He makes it easy for me and enables all avenues pertaining to ambition). Ah, its almost time for Jumu'ah. I should be heading out soon iA.


a Toast for 2, 1 Past, 1 Maybe new

so what drives a mountain lion to seek the highest peek? is it his prey he chases, or is it worship, in ways of which we can only dream? maybe the earth below was just enough in yielding fruit, to entice the prey who'd become not long thereafter nourishment to boot. perhaps he knows there's little oxygen to sustain him on those treacherous slopes, but why would he continue, if he knows that death chases all such similar blokes? viewing ascension as a metaphor, and his climb an outlet of earnest truth to find, does there remain for him another door, whence lay another path once his soul decides? it very well may be that it is not for him to decide, but simply ascertain, the road in his eyes made clear, distinct between both loss and gain. so he is to choose, from a spring of reasons seeming to others obtuse, but if he sees the twinkle of a fire's burning on a mountain summit, why should he like others find thirst in an oasis of drink, where to rise is endure and despair is to plummet? questions aside, the lion's fate is written, whether he dies in a wimper or a roar, its all a given. what solely remains is to choose the path either of cowards, or of strain. in the path of struggle, beasts are prey to insanity, while stoics embody those who've found their peace, in the yet-unseen reality.

-in the name of Allah-


summer is slow. and hot. i think my brain functions differently under higher temps than cooler. anyways, i think some things become a part of one's self so intrinsically its imagined that the actual, true self is what you see. no, this is isn't lamenting anymore, simply reflection.

patterns and phases mark the dawn of yesterday in shadows traceless. if every rendezevous was a bridge, then how is it crossed? certain qualities crop up and again remind me in some places i remain lost. if i've learned and accepted from past lessons and directives, then from where does the volcano of habit erupt to bring forth new life, when the old is so stubbornly erected? as a side note, i notice the unrefined and vulgar of essence are repulsive, even if the message conveyed was intended to comfort and solace. and so, if demons once vanquished ever dared to raise again their faces, i'd pass the plate on to someone more desirous of a soul i deemed abrasive. still fate may play its tricks and traps, when we think doors to chance are shut- poof opens the latch and so stunned, we react. i feel former chains releasing my being away from memory's storied enclave, to a place a little safer, at least until the soul is saved. surely i won't deny phantoms a drink of water or even a dinner's meal, but when comes time of rest and repose, all shall retire to destiny's originally scheduled reel.