-in the name of Allah-
(note- I have no internet as of late, till I move)
SubhanAllah. It amazes me where one can stand after just a week ago, how everything I expected myself to be aware of regarding one specific person and their situation in life, just wasn't what I thought at all. First and foremost, I blame no one. Immature people most often have the tendency to look at others and how their own crisis could have been averted had someone else done something about it. I need no such preclusion, what happened only did so because Allah willed it. We claim ourselves to believe in His decree, and now it's game time to prove what our mettle is made of. If He sets forth a trial for a believing person, then only patience and committment to Islam need to be reinforced.
From now, I look to all of what life has to offer me, only by the blessing and ni'am of Allah. If I forget this, may He return me to His way, Ameen. I am no longer bounded by others, I am bound only in myself, my own faults and inhibitions. There is no sphere I cannot reach with Allah, whereas in people there is only confusion and endless maze. I judge others based on how they are to me: if their presence in my life is one where it leads me closer to Allah, then I welcome it; if their presence in my life is one where I am lead to fitnah upon fitnah, then I do as Allah's Messenger (saw) advised us in running away from fitnah. Despite what this may imply, there is still a level of brotherhood to be maintained, for truly in Islam, I serve a purpose to every person alive who bears witness to Allah as the only One worthy of worship and Muhammad (saw) as His Final Messenger. I am their brother.
A few poetics, about recent events-
So many lessons I’ve learned over the years, I can never give due credit;
I used to pour forth without prior thought, now I’ve thought before I’ve said it.
I could use words as often as I wanted, imagining they were taken as I meant them-
But how can all a pine cone’s dispersed seeds germinate, when the wind has sent them,
To different places, in different climes and locales, not all facilitating growth?
Even so, you taught me how life went up and down, how a future was to be hoped.
Though I fancy castles and fair maidens no more, prior truths outlive reality’s purge,
I know now what to expect, if only to move on past affliction’s ever-rising surge.
Part of living happily is to know the tides of time, how the moon’s gravity sways,
Each wave here or there, in frothy surf climbing the hull, a soul’s fleet is made:
Of live ships with which the individual must be in tune, or risk a fate-changing course,
That may lead to lands uncharted, without a farseer’s skill or wit to navigate remorse.
To myself, in my own mind, I can belittle you only so much before a time arrives,
Where your truth triumphs over my ego, and I concede all that pride deprives.
That said, I can only forge forward a path in brazen bronze for dreams of gold,
That line a future yet unimaginable, when our desires meet our ageless souls.
Islam has little need for friends such as we might make, recalling purpose and purity,
Still, to you I wish in myself, a steady rock, helping in any manner possible suitably.
For remember how Allah commands those who believe to aid one another, in proportion,
To the rendering of justice and morality, by the love of His love, the hate of His aversion.
I believe it Shakespeare, or some other famous playwright, was earnestly writing,
When he said, ‘though in one beginning there be one end, in an end there is a beginning’.
Though aims seem now to clash, in truth it’s but a mutual observing of a meteor shower:
Where fiery streaks of shining fate cross paths amidst a cosmic sky in Heavenly power.
In sum, don’t lose that which makes you a dreamer, yet know what keeps you alive,
In this way, you will come to come know a peace that oversteps any burden in stride.
A day before-
It took me nearly 20 years to find myself:
Of those, three you managed to be of help.
To put a price on time is a vague impossibility,
For time is priceless, yet bounded infinitely.
It will end when we die, hours known no more.
Our graves our home, a precursor of what’s in store.
So what thanks would be enough, what apologies,
To finalize our sorrows, and from now find ease?
I could give you mountains of gold, glimmering;
But I am poor, so suffices a sea of letters, shimmering,
In moonlight shining, for the sun’s setting has passed.
Our crossroads is now, where we depart at last.
In this time, had I ever truly loved or cared?
I know I had, but it was Allah who placed it there;
And as He places, so can He remove,
Whether it be hate, or love, or either’s proof.
In this time, had you truly ever felt for me the same?
I cannot say for sure, for once I was but the name.
But as realities go, and fairy tales, I had thought,
You’d loved and cared for me, in return nothing sought.
A sure answer I do not need, for my Allah is sufficient,
Easing my path for me, blessed by His provision.
Even so, I wish these last few words to be as cool embrace,
Of winter’s chill, after fall prepares to give its place.
This is ‘my December’: a final offer finally tendered.
Go us each about our separate ways, seeking,
A place and heart to call our home, a journey completing.
Forgive, as I’ve asked before, of why I keep this poem going
I love to express, it comes as second nature is a truth exposing…
O Fashioner of the Heavens! , O Ever-Living! , Ya Qayyum!
Forgive me of my sins, and forgive Komal of hers as well.
Show us each a place both here and then, where we may in Sakeenah dwell.
Not simply to follow desires or exist, but to persist in only Your worship.
Protect us from the fitaan that surround our daily lives.
Protect us from the Shaytaan, and the evils he contrives.
Guide us to the comforts of Imaan for our hearts and souls.
Both in dunya and in Akhirah’s everlasting abode.
Wa'alaikum asalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaat.