-in the name of Allah-

(note- I have no internet as of late, till I move)

SubhanAllah. It amazes me where one can stand after just a week ago, how everything I expected myself to be aware of regarding one specific person and their situation in life, just wasn't what I thought at all. First and foremost, I blame no one. Immature people most often have the tendency to look at others and how their own crisis could have been averted had someone else done something about it. I need no such preclusion, what happened only did so because Allah willed it. We claim ourselves to believe in His decree, and now it's game time to prove what our mettle is made of. If He sets forth a trial for a believing person, then only patience and committment to Islam need to be reinforced.

From now, I look to all of what life has to offer me, only by the blessing and ni'am of Allah. If I forget this, may He return me to His way, Ameen. I am no longer bounded by others, I am bound only in myself, my own faults and inhibitions. There is no sphere I cannot reach with Allah, whereas in people there is only confusion and endless maze. I judge others based on how they are to me: if their presence in my life is one where it leads me closer to Allah, then I welcome it; if their presence in my life is one where I am lead to fitnah upon fitnah, then I do as Allah's Messenger (saw) advised us in running away from fitnah. Despite what this may imply, there is still a level of brotherhood to be maintained, for truly in Islam, I serve a purpose to every person alive who bears witness to Allah as the only One worthy of worship and Muhammad (saw) as His Final Messenger. I am their brother.




A few poetics, about recent events-


Subdermally Speaking…
9.30.05

So many lessons I’ve learned over the years, I can never give due credit;
I used to pour forth without prior thought, now I’ve thought before I’ve said it.
I could use words as often as I wanted, imagining they were taken as I meant them-
But how can all a pine cone’s dispersed seeds germinate, when the wind has sent them,
To different places, in different climes and locales, not all facilitating growth?
Even so, you taught me how life went up and down, how a future was to be hoped.
Though I fancy castles and fair maidens no more, prior truths outlive reality’s purge,
I know now what to expect, if only to move on past affliction’s ever-rising surge.
Part of living happily is to know the tides of time, how the moon’s gravity sways,
Each wave here or there, in frothy surf climbing the hull, a soul’s fleet is made:
Of live ships with which the individual must be in tune, or risk a fate-changing course,
That may lead to lands uncharted, without a farseer’s skill or wit to navigate remorse.
To myself, in my own mind, I can belittle you only so much before a time arrives,
Where your truth triumphs over my ego, and I concede all that pride deprives.
That said, I can only forge forward a path in brazen bronze for dreams of gold,
That line a future yet unimaginable, when our desires meet our ageless souls.
Islam has little need for friends such as we might make, recalling purpose and purity,
Still, to you I wish in myself, a steady rock, helping in any manner possible suitably.
For remember how Allah commands those who believe to aid one another, in proportion,
To the rendering of justice and morality, by the love of His love, the hate of His aversion.
I believe it Shakespeare, or some other famous playwright, was earnestly writing,
When he said, ‘though in one beginning there be one end, in an end there is a beginning’.
Though aims seem now to clash, in truth it’s but a mutual observing of a meteor shower:
Where fiery streaks of shining fate cross paths amidst a cosmic sky in Heavenly power.
In sum, don’t lose that which makes you a dreamer, yet know what keeps you alive,
In this way, you will come to come know a peace that oversteps any burden in stride.



A day before-


3 Years
09.28.05

It took me nearly 20 years to find myself:
Of those, three you managed to be of help.
To put a price on time is a vague impossibility,
For time is priceless, yet bounded infinitely.
It will end when we die, hours known no more.
Our graves our home, a precursor of what’s in store.
So what thanks would be enough, what apologies,
To finalize our sorrows, and from now find ease?
I could give you mountains of gold, glimmering;
But I am poor, so suffices a sea of letters, shimmering,
In moonlight shining, for the sun’s setting has passed.
Our crossroads is now, where we depart at last.
In this time, had I ever truly loved or cared?
I know I had, but it was Allah who placed it there;
And as He places, so can He remove,
Whether it be hate, or love, or either’s proof.
In this time, had you truly ever felt for me the same?
I cannot say for sure, for once I was but the name.
But as realities go, and fairy tales, I had thought,
You’d loved and cared for me, in return nothing sought.
A sure answer I do not need, for my Allah is sufficient,
Easing my path for me, blessed by His provision.
Even so, I wish these last few words to be as cool embrace,
Of winter’s chill, after fall prepares to give its place.
This is ‘my December’: a final offer finally tendered.
Go us each about our separate ways, seeking,
A place and heart to call our home, a journey completing.
Forgive, as I’ve asked before, of why I keep this poem going
I love to express, it comes as second nature is a truth exposing…

O Fashioner of the Heavens! , O Ever-Living! , Ya Qayyum!

Forgive me of my sins, and forgive Komal of hers as well.
Show us each a place both here and then, where we may in Sakeenah dwell.
Not simply to follow desires or exist, but to persist in only Your worship.
Protect us from the fitaan that surround our daily lives.
Protect us from the Shaytaan, and the evils he contrives.
Guide us to the comforts of Imaan for our hearts and souls.
Both in dunya and in Akhirah’s everlasting abode.

Ameen.

Wa'alaikum asalaam wa rahmatuAllahi wa barakaat.

-in the name of Allah-

Sometimes epiphanies are confined, restricted by the one-directional motion of time, where only one can see the certain trickle and flow go, and the one nearby can't see the same frames no matter how much we want to show. How do truly come to know who people are, what they're tryin to be? Is it one and the same, or does it matter what another can see? Let's presume that the truth of a human being is like a pitcher of water, fittin the container's shape, only this container is of the beholder's take. This seems superficially contradictory, but what if it really is subliminally reality, a permeable existence we find throughout and beyond life's more menial persistences? Forget the fallen glass on the floor, the broken bits that were never decreed to survive, relish how the blood has oxygen in store, and how glass can relief for another's thirst provide. Signs and moments of recogition in superior design should only serve to remind, us of our place in the universe's meandering path though each beginning apparently confounds without original trace. We live to worship and remember in one singularly-outlined but deeply defined frame of mind, a model and mould that outlives the youth and outgrows the old.




Peace is only with Allah. <= the truth people live their lives not knowing, yet its so apparent

-in the name of Allah-

No shortage of 'free' time, the days between classes and dhikr just seem to be so passive, kind of like how much of life has been. That is, if thinking doesn't classify one as active, in which case if it does than I've run plenty of marathons. But still not enough, apparently, as problems in life, from me to the world, still remain at large. I need to head out to the park soon. Not to mention, a phone call needs to be made. So why are things always so much easier in theory than in practice? Must be why I find the humanities and sciences so endearing sometimes. Places to go when one need not travel is a kind of blessing, but when the soul begins to affect the body and the body starts wanting to resist externality, then there's a problem. Notice that the word 'externality' contains within it 'reality', a 2-cent fact of gold and silver. The pc is not the healthiest place to be. All of you contained indoors, seek shelter outside from the world inside.



Above, or beneath, it all find time to breathe and remember from where that breath came.

-in the name of Allah-

Hmm. It's shortly before fajr, and I am having difficulty falling asleep. Nocturnal sleeping habits aside, there truly is much to be found in the peace of the depths of night. It makes sense why the Prophet (saw) would get up and pray tahajjud so often, because there's something about the element of night and the element of salaat that really closes the gaps in one's soul. I believe it has to do with the ayah in the Quran that describes the night as a time when the mind is more keen and speech more certain (a general paraphrase, please inform me of any mistake). Indeed this seems to be the case. Anyhow, I think I will compose a poetic before going for pre-fajr salaat.


An Ode to a Friend


words said, from words aside,
this is the truth, where you reside.
how we were decreed as brothers to be,
though blood and kin bear us seperately.
competition may in the mind's folly arise,
but even that, a means of Him opening eyes:
for it is lately i've come to ascertain,
what it means of two, who alike for truth do aim.
our times our bonds decry and attempt division,
failing to realize, what He joins can have no revision.
what is it that you have helped me see?
what benefit from you has come to me?
the truth is all that matters, and that was clarified:
you reminded me of Allah, of how in life man is tried.
odes a many are written, especially for 'maidens fair',
why not for him, who to my Lord brings me near?




It is said that those who are not thankful to the people, are not thankful to Allah. I have been blessed by Allah to have had so many people throughout life to which I owe thanks, for reasons galore. For what it is worth and means, as Allah bears witness, I thank them all; those who contributed in my life in any way, helping shape me as I am today. May Allah grant you the best in this life, and the Next, Ameen. This poetic is for a friend sometimes known as artu, who consistently brings me back down to earth when I seem to have gone too high into the clouds.

JazakAllahu khairan fid-dunya, wal-Akhirah, Ameen.

-in the name of Allah-

Not long ago, thoughts of Islam and the west came to mind, and it occurred to me how long these forces have been in conflict. Why should western thought oppose Islam? Why should Islam oppose western thought? By a careful and unbiased analysis of both sides, I think a generally acceptable consensus can be reached.

The first question: why should western thought oppose Islam? To begin, we define what is 'western thought'. Traditionally, this notion has been bound in geographic terms to mean the United States, Canada, Britain, and the majority of Europe. Note how North America and Europe are fartherest away from the Middle East, Asia, and Africa. Another perspective in which difference can be perceived is in the course of history, which shows us exactly who has been writing and commandeering the majority of the world to do its bidding. The advent of science brought with it the rise of colonialism, as nations began to vie for the best in everything, to be always ahead in wealth, resources, and sometimes, ideologies. What compelled men to cross seas and be dazzled by the wealth they saw as untapped? What constitutes necessary action in establishing for one's nation the uppermost hand of rule and law, in the face of systems that previously existed? Why what was done, is a most difficult and easy question. The money, the trade, the wealth, the power, the land, the riches, all of these were prime motivations. To some extent, religion played a role, but almost entirely for superficial and broad, agenda-backing purposes. It is also true however, that all of this was gained by those colonial Europeans at a price, a price perhaps too steep to pay in hindsight. Not only does increase in empire size increase the chance for rebellion, as was the case of America, but also the means by which the industry established forever soured relations with almost every nationality in the world. The 'white man' almost simultaneously created enemies in every corner of the globe. First, and perhaps foremost, the lynching of Africana and everything it was. Their people taken, the culture, history, tradition, value, order, government, wealth, all destroyed by materialistic pursuit. Another region, that of southeast Asia, which served as a springboard geographically to the rest of Asia, was another casualty. Mainly British colonial interests, though including others such as the French and Dutch, the forces of imperialism dominated in exceedingly absurd ratios of colonist:native. How were such numbers divided? A haughty person might assume that the intellectual and material superiority were enough to conquer people of 'lower class'. It should be noted that Asia and Africana and similar in many respects, with the differnces of an indigenous nature. The subjugation of almost two entire continents occurred mainly through a very unassumingly simplistic ideaology: divide and conquer. Once a people have a reason to fight amongst themselves, to defeat them in any capacity, whether it be intellectually, scholarly, materially, ideologically, socially, economically, etc, becomes a very simple matter of moving in whilst the bickering and division consumes the mettle of a people. Another prime example of how European interests bred hate and enmity can be found in South and Central America, where the natives were used much as the Africana were for slave labor and general subservience to the tiny, ruling European elite. Their conquest occurred with the same principle of divide and conquer as with the other regions and peoples. The total number of subjugated continents now rises to about three: Africana, Asia, and South/Central America. True, the colonial interests gained what they wished for, at least initially, but was it truly worth the divide that now seperates the world? One of clear and honest moral background can easily answer 'no'. What was it exactly that colonial interests had to lose in the grand scheme of things? One looks at what wealth they amassed, what arts and sciences they were able to produce, and there appear to be few things that can classified as detrimental. However, the main loss that occurred was the loss of trust and respect by the rest of humanity, which was comprised of those who lived in all other lands besides that of developed western Europe. Why is respect and trust important? Clearly, it could have fostered honest trade, honest brokerage, and an honest exchange of ideas and materials, but it was the greed and avarice that consumed the ideologies of the 'empires' of the time. They wanted more than just trade agreements, more than just land treaties, more than just boundaries, they wanted all of it, ie anything that was of any value, that could even become valuable, was desired and demanded and pursued by whatever means necessary, a direct implication of military force. In retrospect and hindsight, it would have been more ethical, moral, responsible, eventually-beneficial, easier, and all in all more productive if those empires sought expansion with a respect of those peoples they dealt with. Nonetheless, hindsight is 20/20 and the 'should-haves' of the past crystal clear. Present day politics and geography have very staggering implications when one considers how it all came about. American geography depended entirely on the forced removal of Native Americans from their land, and this removal was of course accompanied by the murder, pillage, and plunder of countless Native tribes and nations. The geopolitical climate in the Middle East today is a direct result of the consequences of WWI, and to an extent, WWII. In the first so-called 'World War' (note the apparent and implied bigotry of western historians in their nomenclature of historical events: a war occurred between a handful of nations, yet it 'comprises' all of the 'world'. Subtle, yet astonishing), the fall of the Ottoman Empire meant that the territory it formely comprised, generally from Egypt to Afghanistan and as far north as Turkey and Kazakhstan, would be divided up into what essentially accounted for as puppet governments, whose leaders were loyal mainly to western powers, and if it were of any benefit, then their own people. The moral and ethical implications of this commandeering of humanity into politically and economically convenient divisions and subdivisions is about as obvious as the rest of this writing. Still, wherein lay the faults that would arise from this division? It would aid in everyone's understanding if the layman could imagine in how many of these countries has there occurred an attempted or succeeded revolution, both politically and militarily. I cannot think of a single country who escaped that mockery known as the 'Treaty' of Versailles and also the 'Treaty' of Bret-Litovisk. Every conclusionary element of those treaties had in mind soley the interests of western nations, in all facets imaginable. This included militarily, economically, politically, ideologically, and just about every other way in which a people can be subjugated. Of course, no one is without fault, and these faults became ever so clear when each of these countries, especially the 'mandates' of the Carribbean and Africana were faced with revolutions. How can a people repressed remain a people denied? Continuing on present-day geography, the plethora of literally explosive political and militarial situations around the world truly amount to only a testament of how humanity's reliance upon itself is a forgone mistake. There are concerns about North Korea's nuclear development, Iran's nuclear program, Syria'a involvement with Lebanese politics, Saudia Arabia's apparent link to terrorist funding, Sudan's ethnic divide, Pakistan and India's unending dispute over the Kashmir region, west China's Xinjiang province and the oppression of its Muslims, Canada's turmoil regarding the previously possible allowing of Sharia'ah law in independent courts, France's claim to secularism challenging the right of Muslim women to wear hijaab, Britian's recent dealings with terror attacks, Afghanistan's apparent lack of security in controlling the various warlords and their drug trade, Iraq's entirely elusive 'final solution' where no end is in sight, Indonesia's ethnic issues with the East Timor state, Chechnya and its ongoing conflict of interests with Russia over independence, Palestine and its struggle for independence from Israel, Ukraine's Prime Minister Yushchekno's (sp) disagreements with much of the political population, Germany's economic difficulties and the recent divide in who will become PM, America and its 'war' on terrorism, Turkey and its secularish regime implementing a steady move away from any ties to religion, Venezuala and its supposed dictator being at odds with the U.S. while supporting Fidel Castro's Communist state of Cuba, and the list goes on without any end in sight. In the thick of all of this, where and what is Islam? From its most basic source, it is the belief in one god, Allah, who has no partners in worship, and the belief that Muhammad (saw) is His slave and final messenger. Granted, this is quite a simple phrase, but how can its implications go so far beyond simplistic? The reality is that it is a guide on how to live, behave, and worship. Through this definition, one sees how far into the scope of human existence Islam actually permeates, which is to say that it encompasses the human being entirely. Therefore, and human effort to be outside of this will result in unavoidable conflict. As man was created, he has choices. A man may choose what he eats, how he conducts his affairs, but to what avail is this? In reality, the knowledge and wisdom any single person possesses is very insignificant, so how is this solved? From the beginning of human kind, there has always been some moral code of conduct. Some philosphers will disagree as to whether this was divine in origin or not, but that is an honestly moot point. If the earliest man, according to traditional anthropologic views, was so self-serving and self-centered, how did he come about to making a moral code? Would it not have been that a few ragtag band of 'early humans', after facing conflict, resort each to what they thought was best? In doing so, would they not have self-destructed as a society, howsoever limited it might have been? How could such varying elements such as human personality be brought to reconcile simply because of the devastation wrought by their brethren and predecessors? Who can say that they would not have killed all of themselves before any 'lesson' was learned? If a claim is made that some were more peaceful than others, than what is said about the evolutionary psychologists and the notion of the id, that supposedly 'ruled' over primitive men? Does the id infact take into consideration the existence of others, the existence of anything outside the self, or is it only self-subservient? I will conclude, though others may differ, than mankind could not have had the laws it did without Allah originating it and influencing it through the generations. Thus, it makes little sense that we (as people) should rebel to He who gave to us in the first place. For the 'sake of arguement', let us take the viewpoint of this scientific era, who believe in themselves and what they can 'deduce/induce'. They will recognize and acknowledge the necessity of a moral code in the implementation of a society. What remains lacking however, is how this code is enacted and enforced in modern society. Any sane scientist can understand and acknowledge the correlation between moral standards and instance of conflict, in that if the former is present, the latter is less likely to occur. Given that the latter is harmful to a society's well-being, what sense does it make, in the long run, to be at a point where morality means nothing? It incubates a society ripe for violence, generational degression, depression, and digression. Islam aims to solve this apparent dilemma by introducing and reinforcing the presence of Allah in the lives of humanity. The primary aim is to ensure the well-fare and well-being of all members of a society, and having each individual strive to be closer in his or her relationship with Allah. Being so comprehensive, Islam affects every aspect of existence, from social to political, from political to economic, there is not a sphere of life that goes unexamined, unjustified. Every action has a purpose, and that action which has no purpose, is discouraged from the get-go. It encourages unity at the most integral level, the family, all the way up to the leadership. Problems that arise in everyday affairs are tackled by looking at Quran, hadeeth, fiqh, and the subsequent stages of scholarship that the 'ulemaa engage in to derive a ruling for any particular issue. Wholistically, it means that one should be kind to his neighbor, forgive another of his faults, and entreat and enjoin upon himself and others to virtue and belief in Allah and what He has commanded. It means that one should be honest in buisiness dealings, honest in personal affairs, and forthright whenever he is required and sometimes when not required to be so, ie the exception being in the case of being jovial with a friend or spouse. It means seeking the truth wherever and whatever it may be, whether it be the fault one's own self has, or the truth in the world one did not previously realize. It means being open to what should be open and more closed when one should be more closed. Though at some points these points may seem subjective and arbitrary, in reality they are upon the singular guideline of being whatever pleases Allah.



Updated:

- 09.21.05 ~10AM. Topics furthered include finishing up a brief analysis of present-day politics and geography, an analysis of Islam, and (partially) its implications on societal, individual, and communal levels. More to come, inshAllah.

- 09.15.05 ~11 PM. Topics covered are the price paid by colonial interests and a short analysis of present-day geography. Further updates with their corresponding topics will be posted in time, inshAllah.



------ Topics remaining include: the price paid by colonial interests specifically (covered), analysis of present day politics and geography (partially covered), followed by an analysis of Islam, its background, history, implications on societal, individual, and communal levels, reasoning behind its injuctions, delineation of how it describes man's relationship with the Divine, the implications for social and political impact, the fallout from WWI, how and why it appears contradictory to western thought, a more-detailed description of western thought, its prevalent ideologies, beginnings in the humanities and evolution into the sciences, how science/arts contribute to western thought, where the fundamental division lies between western and Islamic thought, and finally (I think)- how the conflict between Islam and the west can be solved, from both a theoretical and practical perspective.

-in the name of Allah-

The Marathon
9.13.05

Running in days, resting in nights
Pursuing the deeds, enjoining the rights
Rising before dawn for prayer's wake
Reciting verses before night the soul takes
Going above and beyond what is required
Securing the grave where one is retired

Of the worldy rat race, how is purpose defined?
For all face death, but what of previous design?
Why live now, if after death is frivolity's gripe?
Why live now, if the present is just a moment contrite?

To live now, one must have a purpose for then
For now to die, must mean to live in resurrection
Without this life as a means for that crossing end
Justify for me rule of any law or point of social trend

What begins must end, what ends must thus begin
For in all lies reason, though understanding be thin
So, to where will go this Marathon, in pain and joy?
A Judge's Court, wherein contained is reality's ploy







Not one of my best, I think. It is early, before fajr, and I am needing something to write, so it will have to suffice.


NOTE: I need ideas. Fuel for poetics, for something to elucidate on, at least in theory. All contributions are needed!

-in the name of Allah-

This poetic is somewhat overdue, but there's no time like the present.



My Companion
9.12.05



When I speak, He is there to listen
When I think, He is there to know
When I grieve, He is there to strengthen
When I fall, He is there to show

I need not utter a single word or phrase
I need not bother with expanation's haze

His words come as waterfalls cascade
Through me, a shiver echoes within a cave

There are times I suffer, times I rejoice
All throughout, He steadies my inner voice

This life we live but Him to glorify and praise
In worship's peace, with no grander stage

It is true, many people I love
But fitting it is, He remain a level above

As one myself reminded, seek only good in others
So improves our own stability, in minds unshuttered

So, now I refine my purpose, to humans relative
Move past our faults, to thoughts more sedative

Circling back, where did I begin?
It was with Him, who guides me from within

-in the name of Allah-

I had an epiphany of what may be qualified as cool quotes, so I'll post them here iA as they come to mind. (I am in need of cool quotes. Sad, I know.)


- Our existence is tempered by our humanity.

- Expose me for who I am, so that I may become what I must.

- Life is too meaningful to be worthless, too short to be trivial.

- "At some point I realized he was consoling me … have you ever noticed how deeply spiritual people do that, especially when they are the ones who seem to be in trouble?" - ESPN article


- All my life I spent with glasses on, I realized there was something between world and I.

-in the name of Allah-

It appears that I will continue writing about Allah and my relationship with Him until the very end of my worldly life. Why is it that I should continue to do so? It is because I realize and understand that I don't belong here. This dunya, for all its glory and facade, just isn't what I am at all. The reality is that I belong with Allah. People clamor for company, they clamor for acceptance, but when it comes down to it, they ask others to make dua for them. What is this? Perhaps its only me, but does this not come off as hypocritical, when those who ask for dua are usually those people who themselves do not willingly move closer to Allah when presented with an opportunity? Yet at the most trying times in life they say 'whatever Allah wills'. Surely, it will be whatever He wills and yet the foolish do not realize they doom themselves by excluding Him from their lives. If people wish not for the best and change for themselves, then how can one say that Allah will not decree for him destruction in both worlds? This foolish, ignorant one has entirely no say in his own destiny, yet will throughout the whole time continue to say 'inshAllah', as if he had ever supplicated to Him and asked Him as He deserves to be asked. This, partly, is the state of the Muslims today. It hurts me. Yet, I am alone save Allah. Where do I turn that every single nafs on this planet should turn to? To Him. It is a sad case of human being that desires for the approval and acceptance of his peers, yet does not do better than that with his Creator. Verily, it is in the wallowing of the shallow that people most often find ways to pacify their egos, creating on top of a glass foundation yet another structure made of glass. What shatters easier than glass when faced with impending, opposing force? May the deprived contemplate on their state and reunite with Allah. Ameen.

That said, there is still much for me to write about. The follies of men and my own grow ever more apparent, and oddly enough this reinforces my closer stance with Allah. Who should desire the company of a mortal, of an erring, to the company of the Everlasting, the Perfect? It is not a comparison worthy of making, yet the state of humanity does naught else. It reminds me of a true-to-life situation with the companions of the Prophet (saw). They saw this dunya for what it was, and gave all of themselves to what truly is infinitely greater than this life. For the naysayers, tell me, where is the peace to be found amongst the turmoil-filled hearts of men? It cannot be. We face many trials, those mortal we love face many trials; all in all, the recourse is only with Allah. After this realizing, it pains the square much when it tries to go through the circle's opening- but shall it ever happen? One might say once the circle dies, there remains but for the square to meet its destiny, but with out doubt, the square must continue trying to fit through the circle. Painful it is indeed that the hearts of men be bounded, at times, by the hearts of fellow men (no homosexual implication is being made; it is understood by 'men' to include women as well). The nature of humanity makes every such attempted bonding between man and woman all the more difficult. It is true Allah has made for each believer, in his spouse, a raiment (ie garmet) to be comforted in. Oh Allah!, would that I come to know of this when You have decreed it for me. It should be noted, that I was about to say that I knew not of such comfort in any spouse, but the truth is that marriage hadn't yet taken place; thus, Allah's words still do apply, though I did not realize it. Such is the nature of writing, of emptying from within.

I shall, inshAllah, post soon a poetic about Allah.

-in the name of Allah-

Hmm. Ever since a few days ago, oftentimes when I would think of Allah, I would end up remembering my significant other not long thereafter. So what makes this of any consequence? Well, it so happens that I asked Allah that she would become a source of remembrance for me, and in a way, this appears to have happened, alhamdulillah. As for some other fulfillments of dua, before I went to sleep I made dua to Allah asking to be able to wake up for fajr to worship Him. Would you know that it would happen to be one of the easiest waking-up-for-fajr times ever, ie the alarm sounds, I look at it, and thought of fajr comes to mind. SubhanAllah. Then, my second dua. Having been somewhat lazy in making wudu, I was encroaching the on the first rak'ah. On my way to the masjid, both in car and on foot, I made dua to Allah asking Him that I not miss any rak'ah. Would you know that not 5 seconds after I stand for salah, the Imam goes to ruku'uh. Does anyone other than myself realize the import of these two incidents? It is, according to a hadeeth, that when Allah loves a person, He brings him closer to the deen. In this case, it is a closeness very tangible, ie in being able to make the prayer in a timely manner. So, what does this mean? This means my endeavor, up until this moment, is alhamdulillah becoming more and more concrete; that is my relationship with Allah is steadily improving. Given the limited knowledge of Him we possess, it suffices to say that one's relationship with his Creator can be in a state of steady improvement until the day he dies, so I beseech Allah that I be amongst those in constant affairs of uprightedness and 'Ibadah until the day my grave finds me. Ameen. As for other thoughts lately, I have been thinking of and trying to figure out how precisely to help the aforementioned significant other with what appear to be trying times, and I fear at some point, I become the proverbial broken record. How many times can one feel like consolation needs to be given (granted, she did not and does not need constant consolation)? I feel inhibited in what I can communicate, but it is true that an understanding of our relationship dawned on me last night, shortly before 'Isha. There were times where she would be seeking to simply relay her thoughts of the day, or her feelings/comments on her life, where the response aught not to have been and should not be to advise or console, but to make clear a willingness to listen, to be one in which she could find repose. I, too aften it seems, attempt to 'problemify' every matter that arises, and I believe a different approach is necessary sometimes, ie just being there to listen. It should be noted here, that it is with Allah that one's heart resides, so what does it stand to reason that my Lord should remind me of her? I believe the answer is partially circular, meaning that in remembering her, I remember marriage and then fulfillment of religious/personal duty and then to remember how all of this came about, and to whom is shukr to be made; ie Allah. So, its like a thought or love is placed in one's heart, to bring about the further remembrance of Allah. There is the wisdom of Allah. Alas, the day continues, and time moves but forward. May Allah guide us back to Him, in a manner that suits His bounty and mercy upon us, Ameen.

-in the name of Allah-

I want to ask you to forgive me, I want to know you're alright, I want the path in front of us clear, I want for us a future bright. Forgive me of my past, forgive me of my tomorrow, forgive me when I fail, forgive me for my sorrow. I write words thinking they mean the same, I write without another's thought or care, I write so recklessly, because I take up the truth's righteous dare*. I spill and spill and perceive and perceive, but I do not soak up your thought nor give you a second's reprieve. I am quick to judge, hasty in denial, wary of the future, a lawyer seeking yet another trial. I forget and forego a fellow's right, while I demand my own's fulfillment in a manner contrite. I reach for the skies only within my mind, falling short, I feel distanced and apart, by humanity left behind. I once sought company with man, he stiff-armed my brotherly embrace, resigning me to solitude's pensive state. I do not grieve for what appears nor what what is reality, I give my owe and seek my due from His eternal Majesty. I know mankind is human and fortuned to be flawed, I prepare myself for mortal negligence and know to see past what the Designer's drawn. I loved you before, if Allah allows me, I will love you forever. I love you only, so that my Lord and I come closer together.


* - (ie to be what I "am", regardless of consequences as long as it is "right/just" [note- this implies and includes a faulty line of thought that does not stand to reason based on how others feel, thereby possibly becoming a source of harm in some cases.])

My Treatise on Allah and one Komal

-in the name of Allah-

My Treatise on Allah and one Komal
09.02.05


In glorious sunrises, in calming sunsets
Through stormy waters, through overflow vents
Past the tease and tinge of yesteryear
Beyond scope of premonition and a morrow’s fear

Lies a truth unassuming, in utter simplicity
It is that of One god, the One eternally
Who made what was, and decreed what will be
He set for all a portion, and took a vow from humanity

To never worship any other, though this they denied
His truth of One, their own desires instead multiplied
Insatiated by their wealth, the imperial forces globally spread
Determined in themselves to find peace, ease the dread

Of course, only His and with Him is this to be found
Looked and searched they would, an emptiness compound
Thus souls restless spend their livelihoods in screech and roar to decry
Long nights and days spent awake, needing from life a reason why

Away with those who deny, my hearts rests in comfort
He is ever-near, lending me patience and righteous revert
My soul to a place before unknown, in silence rises
Fueled by His Noor, an endless list of starry surmises

No, not mere conjectures of my own errant making
But each a pointer to Him, a compass for the waking
For With Allah, in open and sutble truths I always find
A path, a way, a road of cobblestone familiar, in ease of mind

He carries my strength, gives me solace
Removes my fears, blots my worries with poultice
Blemishes of sin, in His mercy and forgiving erased
By His reality, His truth, His company replaced

So, a heart reaches, is touched by the Sublime, the Divine
Where from is a mortal comfort, a raiment in human confine?
This reply, is like to His will of destiny, of a benevolent design
That I sought another never, but did my fate with such intertwine


Names are but letters that but another soul do signify
Eyes beheld, in married gaze, another puzzle completed mine
In those glossy spheres of truth and toil, lies a half of me
Seeking me, I in seeking it, do find but reminders of eternity

For this life is not for ever to be lived or enjoyed
It ends in pain of death, despite of what struggled or toyed
But this one, in lower case, His mercy and blessing loudly cries
With me in tears of mutuality, where part of life’s purpose lies

I love Allah most, He created, accompanies, and consoles
My existence, from birth to death, my soul His Hand holds
Thus, He is of my highest endearment worthy and deserving
My Lord is Allah, bestower of bounty and grace without conserving

As next of most beloved goes, His Prophet this station clearly knows
For what better example, model, guide does in humanity reside?
A leader such as he, in whom any could trust to aid or confide

Not much farther down this list, is a servant of His in clothes nondescript
Though she shines through life’s darker caves like many a candle lit