Mirrorless

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 where oh where, my mirror, trying to introspect but sight now blinder, convicted and sentenced by a best friend, for wanting to care, hand him a judgment, to aid his discernment, but i wasn't given all the pieces, so conclusions irrelevant. a beacon of old, a sun that used to shine, no longer truth this holds, not who she used to be, this shell of the present, broke my mirage of her, into pieces so fine i find serenity in her absence. two of the ones i thought understood, two of the ones most trusted, betrayed so deep they can't even recognize it, thinking we're alright, while carry i the burden of one to sustain a thing larger than him. alone i'm not, my Rabb ensures my strength, my will, when me and my every atom wish for the end, He won't give it, He won't let me bend, because I've always been His, from the beginning, through even the worst of this. not sure what to say of my true Mirror, perhaps He's kept her distant, so later after it's over, I might find her nearer. this is a hope among hopes, all of my Rabb's to secure and keep close, wish i were more than i am, but can't be custodian of a dream taller than all the lower heavens put together. what's funny is i don't think i really missed my Mirror's flaws, just like she saw mine, we were a mortal pair, knowing well how rare it is to resonate in kind. but for now, in this life, feels like we're specters both, trying to reach past a life, that shears us from what we want most, constrained, prevented, denied, part of the pain in the path I chose. it matters little, I know what to Him I must give, just everything, in all my days, for all there is, to water the planted seeds, to find that Garden in which He grows us in.