بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

One who has been given so much, cannot complain when he is asked to give something in turn. The reality is that my Rabb's favors and gifts on me are immense, they do not end where my sight ends, but continue on and on and on. So what ails me now? That I find something missing in a mortal element of emotional meaning, resonance, and once again, that innate, pesky desire for balance is ignored, evaded by the realities of this life. waAllahi I have so much, not even counting the blessing of being allowed a goal in akhirah as utterly beyond my scope as it is. Though it has never been the act or detail of giving that bothers me, but always I have sought/intrinsically looked for the balance of a heart's worth given and thus a heart's worth received. My dunya does not share this ideal. I have to be OK without balance in this, if only because Allah tests me with it, perhaps to see if I will give as the situation asks of me, while knowing He is the One Who gave me everything I have and made me everything of worth that I am. How can I refuse Him? What says that of a slave that he'd complain of doing something asked of him, when his Rabb has given him infinitely more and asked for so little in turn? 

ya Rabb, let me succeed in this, and everything You would test me with, always, ameen.