Self-observed

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Every emotion needs its container. Usually, this means the self, one's heart, that encapsulates most everything that is felt. However, this does not work for every kind of emotion. There are a few, typically such as love, that cannot be self-contained by some kinds of people.

Without a container, the emotion becomes so strong it overwhelms the person, and ideally the individual seeks some sort of outlet to avoid destroying the self. For years, writing is and has been an outlet for me, to release things that become too immense for being held inside. One instance of emotion was so deep, so strong, I could find nothing from this life to hold it. And so, I sought refuge with Allah, and gave Him that particular emotion. The hope is that He will tend to it, purifying it, growing it, teaching it, preparing it for me so that when the Day comes where His grace upon me comes full circle, I might be ready to accept one of His greatest gifts. This is what I chase, why I must refuse to let anything that happens here and now to hold me down, to hold me back from going forward. For me, the essence of survival is this dream, this tiny piece of the puzzle that has my Creator as its architect and salvation. 

I have to seek His perfection, because I know well how imperfect I myself am, because no ideal can ever materialize without having Him as its Originator. All of what is khair, just, beautiful, everlasting, fulfilling, complete, comes from Him. There is no other road, no other entity, that can approach this. I suppose this is tawhid of the fitrah in its simplest form; for an idealist to seek Allah, the One free from all imperfection, Possessor of every nobility and honor. But it goes a little beyond that, as seeking Him has even more reason. It is also because of what He's given, His blessings that have been with me since before I began. If I compare what He gave/has given, to what I show in return, there is no comparison, nothing of equal worth I've ever shown. The quality of His favors is like the wealth of a universe overshadowing a pomegranate seed(me). As I can never repay anything of what He gives, His ownership of me is realized as complete because of how inescapably He surrounds my creation, my sustenance. What other position is more natural, more rightful, than for a created one to submit to his Creator?