Next Week, and time after that

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

 

 

much i've said during this lifetime, but so much more still there, waiting. the coming months, in some ways, promise to be the longest of my life. but i accept the terms He lays out, whatever He wishes to extract from me, so that i might have a chance at holding my beloved forever, it's fine with me alh. 

 

my Gift is expected to arrive next Friday (Oct 2nd) iA, so one hopes that her presence tempers the immediate state of apartness. she won't have anyone's shoes to fill, or any particular expectations. whatever parts of being a wife she fulfills, alhamdulillah. whatever she falls short of, i still have to retain every semblance of decency i can, and perhaps help her growth in the process too iA.

 

~

 

for a number of reasons, i do not think i can expect a year like 2020 to ever happen again. gaining deeper insights from my Moon, being revisited and reminded by my Gemini, these blessings...so priceless. ironic right, one of the hardest years ever and here i am already lamenting that it could only happen once. i've said something like this before on occasion: would that i had a thousand lifetimes, each having to endure a thousand cuts, just for being able to know and hear from you again, i would relive all of them, over and over, as many times as He let me. 

 

i suspect this life will continually present sadness inside some shade of the spectrum of our bond, for priorities have to be given and boundaries protected when necessary. most often, this will entail distance, something i know all too well, a very familiar companion of mine.

alhamdulillah, it's not all gloomy. i've found that a recurring, effortless dua echoes in my mind these days, reaching out instinctively to my Rabb, pleading with Him to keep your paths straight and easy and never insufficient. on the one hand, i hate to be parted, maybe now more than ever, knowing as much as He's allowed me to learn of you. but, on the other hand, i know with a certainty that surpasses me down to my bones, my beacons gonna shine for Eternity. and in the meantime, if they happen to forget or be dimmed, i get to be their reminder iA 😁