Consequentially Forever

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

this feeling, I know it well. the pit in the stomach when one realizes that a consequence arrived of something I (most likely) did.

first, please forgive me. I can't tell if I'm the stupidest person alive for posting what I did, but probably I'm pretty close. if there's another reason I can't be a part of dreamer anymore, I wish I could know but I'll accept and understand the result regardless. 

the most unforgivable thing for me is to have violated the trust of someone I care about, even unintentionally with something intended to be humorous. the more someone means, the stronger the guilt of potentially having hurt them. if I could, I would choose death a million times over before causing you grief. Allah did not give me such a choice. the only path I have is to keep going onward, because that's the only way He might permit me what I've always sought. 

for now, in this life, and for the Next, you are always beloved to me. no matter what you say or do, even if you hate me, that truth of mine remains; perhaps one day, I'll be able to deserve yours too iA.