بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

don't really know how to stay silent, even if around me the world is quiet, tempered solid, any leaf floating by or such tiny reminder, recalls to the front of the mind some portion of your struggle, struggles beyond my mortal grip, that i can't simply will my way into knowing or easing away into nothing. perhaps the reason He made me was so you may always have a well from which to drink, thus never with lips or hopes parched from thirst or disappointment. wasn't planning to keep on writing like a madman, day by day something or another, that won't fade before i pen it to paper, trying to reach across time and space and settle something beautiful and undying behind your walls which, in my own way, i wish you'd let down. but if any body alive knows why one might carry them around in life, it's me, for years and years, those walls were all i had, preventing emptiness from ever escaping or letting in light. 

you remember why and how i made that first step? october 11th 2015? the date seared into memory, when i noticed the past had gone and so i began to fully look towards Tomorrow? inevitably, you factor(ed) into all my equations, all the formulae, me trying to solve this life, keep and retain the Love of All Lifetimes, without disrupting her worldly path, without being a means for strife and sadness where only devils would be pleased and not my Rabb with me. i don't really know what 'company' means, as He tests me so often with apartness it splits across all my seams, but iA you always remember aloneness is a state never quite yours, Red mixes always with Yellow, sunsets simply waiting to become sunrises for ever more.