Komality

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

I love words, making new ones, integrating different grammatical structures with the intent of cross-matching implications and definitions. 

In that vein, some years back I coined a really beautiful term, komality, to describe what I'd say is one's state in chasing the star in the sky that hasn't yet been reached. There's not a single thing for me to complain about, especially because something so bright and longed-for is there to be found, at least insofar as my own efforts go. My Rabb will bring to pass whatever He chooses, but given what has already happened, of the things I've seen, learned, known, there is no conclusion to reach except that I've been blessed immeasurably. From that, the only thing I can be is hopeful of finding as well His rehmah when it matters most, upon death and resurrection. 

The underlying wisdoms aren't lost on me, the ones that I can see. Had He allowed me to be with my Moon in this life, the way that I had sought, I know exactly how I would have turned out: with not a care for what else happened or what I may have become. He kept her slightly out of reach, for two particular reasons: 1) that the consequences of parting keep me always in a place of submission to Him and seeking His aid, and 2) that the absence of her would lead to the creation of a goal beyond dunya that encompassed and surpassed anything the worldly life could have shown us. I've known this potentiality and its repercussions since forever.

Some goals are too grand, too unimaginable to be contained by where we are now. For someone like me, I could not have sustained living without either having such a spark or chasing that spark. I don't know how people typically survive the mundane, but that was never something that could appeal to me. Chasing the Love of All Lifetimes to be in the most elevated of places a mortal might be gifted - this is precisely the kind of ambition that suited me in His perfect wisdom.  

Alhamdulillah I regret nothing. Even if any given day I'm not feeling okay, it doesn't matter too much, so long as I can still pray and seek my Rabb for everything I want and need from Him. As for you, my Moon, loving you is most suited to Firdaus-ul-A'la, so I'll try to contain my momentary lapses and not cross the line bi ithniAllah. 

Now just to write a poetic fitting of this state...

edit, managed to compose this 3/9:

~
You are my soul when it's unweaved, the building block of everything underneath, and He the Architect that made our tale the story that it is, why your company it is I always seek, as you know so well what's beneath my skin, the parts I show or the parts I preserve, one who resonates is who you've always been. Perhaps with His permission, a Day comes to pass where my promise to you is kept, so we can both bask in what's long been awaited, fulfillment and completion, two elements finding at last their own universe to expand in. You're the sunshine to my seed, the rain to my thirst, if I ever found my way out of this, it's because He made you first: a beacon to recollection, both of slavehood and sought-after ascension, purpose reflected by an endless ocean that you simply keep on filling. 

Of life, I would change nothing at all, alhamdulillah 🌹

[did I mention it begins with a K and ends with a y? :P]