Retrospectives

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Some years back, there were a couple things I wrote that didn't quite make complete sense to me when I wrote them. They were paths I hadn't taken, experiences not yet had. Fast forward to the present, and I can now look back at what I wrote and say, damn, that was so on point, how could I have thought that in the past.

(written in 'The Portrait')

The first of these was that, for me to reach the destination and company that I sought, I'd have to forego the rights most mortals would choose to have fulfilled. After considering the past 1.5+ years of being married, this became truer than I ever wanted it to be. Like a lesson learned, that we might know ourselves is coming, but when it arrives it manages to defy any prediction or expectation. 

(written in 'The Batsignal')

The second was, that in order for me to be able to be the kind of beacon that I sought to be, I had be to one who always gave, never one to take from my beloved. Especially after being blessed with a reconnection to my Love of All Lifetimes, and the subsequent ups and downs and silences and brightnesses, I came to realize just how necessary that initial condition was. If I sought any beacon, for my self in the present, the consequences would be disastrous for everyone involved. Alhamdulillah particularly that my Rabb allowed me to fashion a goal beyond this life, that reinforced and meshed effortlessly with this perspective. 

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It seems so strange to write something while not understanding it in the moment, yet it becomes almost prophetic down the road in one's life. Clearly I need to start working on some lotto numbers! Lol subhanaAllah, it's pretty crazy. Alas that understanding the present is not nearly as 20-20 (yes....the year is 2020 as well.........). Hindsight and all. 

At least the akhirah is clearer, aside from the simple caveat of Judgment of course. But what a life this is