this life and i

أَعُوذُ بِٱللَّهِ مِنَ ٱلشَّيۡطَٰنِ ٱلرَّجِيمِ، بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

While I've always sought permanence and meaning, this dunya has only ever shown me its nature as fleeting and superficial. This is a primary reason I despise it, but there is one other major reason, one refrain I can seem to never escape: this life has always been a barrier between me and you. Because of this, dunya elicits a hatred from me like nothing else, for it keeps me from my beloved, in ways small and large, from the outset of my existence.

Without question, my Rabb designed it to be what it is, but that does not mean I will ever prefer or like or consider as worthwhile this world, or any world, that would keep us apart. I have battled against this separation for as long as I've lived, from the earliest times of simple friendships that could not be sustained, until I first tasted the apex of my goals...and it was kept from me by Him, Who knew the test it would serve and the countless wisdoms therein. But the vehicle of the test, ohhh, this, this is not it for me, not at all, not in the slightest. 

It might be clear then, why my ambitions for akhirah only seem to grow with time. For every second that this dunya keeps me apart from you, is another order of magnitude by which our Garden, bi ithniAllah, will become ever more glorious.